By Gracilis,  Love,  Romance,  Single Life

After Valentine’s Day 2

I still remember the  first  Valentine cantered conversation I overheard .It was in a class in an A-level schooI attended in preparation for the university admission. So these two guys were talking about how the day went.

One of them mentioned his girlfriend had come with a card and a present to wish him a happy day but he wanted something more and told her that  ,if she really  loved him, she should give him her body . I don’t know how my ears didn’t drop  but having grown up all my life in church ,my immediate conclusion was that she was going to get pregnant .I was appalled especially as we had all just finished high school  and the thought her education would have to stop frightened me .

I do not know if the young lady eventually gave in to prove her love but although it is nearly three decades later, this line is still used by men to women .This has made several people to go beyond their boundaries  but a healthy relationship should not pressure us to do things we are not comfortable with. And it is not just only asking for sex .

It is important to check that in our relationships, we are not under obligation to do or not do things in order to prove our love. If this is a consistent pattern in any relationship, it is a red flag and abuse would not be far.

So how did Valentine day go for you ? Did you use it appreciating yourself or your significant other or did you find yourself going beyond your boundaries and ending up feeling   guilty?

Or  was it a case of us using the day to keep up with false appearances in a bid to show our exes or friends that we are still very much desirable and definitely in a relationship (whether bad or ugly).

I still remember back in those days in high school. There was this particular babe who always acted like she was the most desired beauty. She always had a large display of cards on her  bed ( boarding school)  on birthdays and Valentine days.

It was only after we left school, I discovered that most of those  cards were purchased   and addressed by her to herself using fake sender names   .All these was done to create a certain picture and interestingly, we see the same things on social media  today.

I did not know then but now I can say that this babe had an issue with self-acceptance .

And until we accept and appreciate ourselves, it will be difficult for another to do so successfully. In short, we actually attract what we are to us. Maybe I should say it in another way. Being able to accept and appreciate ourselves is self -love and self-love is the first rule for finding true love.

It is this self-love for ourselves that will help us not to remain in abusive relationships knowing our worth, preferring to be  single and treated right than to be in an abusive relationship to give a certain picture. There are actually several people in a relationship   not with another person but with love and the idea of being in love. Sometimes the constant need to be in a relationship or to prove our relationship is a certain way is actually a tell tale sign of low self esteem .

It is human nature to want to be accepted, but giving an illusion of being in a relationship when we are not is actually a sign that we have not accepted ourselves and if we have not accepted ourselves, then it will be difficult for others to do so.

My promise is kept ,see you next time

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