For those of us who know about fairy tales (Disney), we know that our heroes and heroines had to face some odds before they could get their ‘happily ever after’. We know about sleeping beauty and her little problem with a sleeping curse. It’s bad enough that Cinderella has a wicked stepmother and she just can’t catch a break, she looses her glass slipper just as she finds her prince charming! Then there’s Beauty and the Beast where her prince has animated furniture to say the least!! The odds really were against them, but they beat those odds.
Now in real life, real couples have real obstacles they face that are against their marriages or them getting married. Some of these are often from outside of the couple. Like family not seeing eye to eye on certain things, or lack of good examples of strong marriages. But sometimes, the brunt of the huddles towards marriage can come from the couple themselves. Yes, I know. No one wants to think that they’re the problem. But you hear cases of infidelity, distance (emotional & physical), substance abuse, baggage from past relationships…. And so much more really!
The crux of it all is that marriages can work if you want them to. As well as serious determination, there are some things that I think go a long way in fighting the odds against marriage.
Trust. Even in our every day lives, we know the amount of times we choose to not do something, to not take something or even go somewhere with someone just based on the instinct of lack of trust. Why should that be different in our relationships/marriages? Believe me, I don’t want to find myself in a marriage where I don’t trust my husband. God forbid! Why should most of your time in your marriage be spent worrying if your husband/wife is being honest? Please! The foundation of trust is essential.
Shared vision. I heard a pastor say recently that “you can’t get anywhere following someone who doesn’t have a destination”. He wasn’t talking about marriages but it struck a cord with me. Two people can not be in a partnership, going somewhere, but wanting to go to totally different places. It just won’t work well in the end. I’m not saying there can’t be individual goals in a marriage, but every marriage needs a common goal. Something that everyone is working towards for that marriage.
And because there will be a shared vision and also individual ones, time is also important. There has to be time spent together; giving due importance to both individual work and the marriage.
Once there is trust and a shared vision, accepting and accommodating each other’s schedules is important. As I said earlier there will be individual goals, and this is where the conscious effort to put each other first comes in play. Where we compromise, where we understand why some things have to wait or be done a certain way.
Respect. This is a big one. As part of a partnership, we have to respect each other. Opinions, families and differences. All of these need to be celebrated with the understanding that the little things add to the big picture.
All of these can’t even come together without one important thing. Communication. I really feel that, regardless of how cliché it sounds, communication is the secret to a long-lasting relationship. Any type of relationship.
So whether we are still single and searching or married and a little worried, we are all warriors fighting this stigma against marriages. We have been armed with practical weapons today.
In our fight against all odds for our marriages, I feel like these nuggets will go a long way in helping us win.
DISHUSBANDMATA……..passionate about relationships
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