All by myself

Self-pride: It is an overdose of self-love added to a good portion of self-confidence multiplied by a cathedral size of self-esteem minus even the tiniest fraction of the condition called selfishness.”

I don’t know if am the only one that tried to memorize this as I read Loretta’s write-up about self-love, it got me thinking, and saying to myself if every woman would teach self-love to her daughter, I believe we will have a better chance of our daughters growing up and having a healthy dose of self-esteem so much that there won’t be incidences of killing husbands/boyfriends in a jealousy fit (it worries me as it has become one too many) or staying in a dehumanizing relationship all in the name of marriage. I believe in marriage so don’t get me wrong but poor self-esteem is one of the reasons why a woman would remain or believe a man who beats her at any slightest opportunity, spits on her, rapes her, treats her like trash, I can go on and go, loves her. When women have self-love, they will not make excuses for such behavior and it will give them the strength to walk away from toxic relationships.

But if a mother doesn’t love herself,  how can she promote or teach self-love to her daughter? You can’t give what you don’t have. I love it that Loretta’s daughter knows that her mum loves herself too much to be bothered by a racist comment. I believe that self-love will grow in her daughter, she doesn’t even need to preach it, she is living it for her daughter to see it and imbibe.

Some time ago, my daughter’s teacher reported that she has been copying from her classmates and while her father lamented the incident, I told him it was as a result of lack of self-confidence, she doesn’t trust herself enough to try. So I told her she is beautiful and very brilliant, told her she can write on her own and not have to copy. I wasn’t upset because from helping her with her homework, I could see her weakness-a lack of confidence in herself. I continued to speak affirming words to her, encouraging her all the way. A few days later the same teacher reported that she now writes on her own and I said a silent prayer for the grace to always know per time how to help her and to teach her to trust herself.

I have found that a lot of people do not know how to love themselves and  I am more concerned about women, as a woman and mother myself. Self-love goes beyond getting ourselves the latest designer clothes or handbags. Well, it’s part of it ‘wink’ but it’s first within before without. As long as you are not using the designers’ handbag to augment or substitute self-worth or self-esteem then fine, by all means, treat yourself as much as you can.

For those saying I don’t know how to love myself or are struggling with self-love, please read last week’s post by Loretta’s again, I believe it is  a very good start. This is what she says about it

“When you love yourself, you understand your flaws and you seek to change them. (You won’t make excuses for them but work on them neither will you let others define you by them)

When you love yourself, you do the things that give you joy. You do not look onto others for your happiness. You have no expectations of others per se. You become immune to whatever others say and do that would otherwise have hurt you. You become so immune that you even love them when they say those hurtful things. You radiate what is inside of you. Since you are filled with love, you radiate love too. You begin to see that whatever happens today, there is a better thing beyond it tomorrow. This your lovely self is unstoppable and can only grow from strength to strength. You just begin to burst and overflow with love that is pure and not orchestrated. No scripts attached – real and not fake.”

What I desire greatly is for every woman to live this including me. I walked away from a toxic work environment recently and I just realized I did it out of self-love. It wasn’t giving me joy and I wanted no part of it. I told myself I have what it takes to succeed as an entrepreneur and will go ahead and explore the opportunity.

It is not a one day or year course, it is a daily mantra you live by. When you miss it, rise, shake yourself and move on, there is no room to stop and you will get there. Teach your daughters, share with your sisters and friends. This self-love is a message that can start a revolution among female folks and we will get women who as a result become better mothers, daughters, wives, professionals, homemakers name it. The male folks will be better for it because we make the world go round.

Forgive me John Legend fans because I don’t know any of his songs but I love this Loretta’s version.

 Cause all of me, loves all of me

I love all my curves and all my edges

All my perfect imperfections

I will give my all to me

I will give my me to me

I am my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I’m winning……..

I personally am making a conscious effort to love myself without any fraction of selfishness. To be honest,  I am happy to love myself, all by myself as that is the only way I can be truly available to love others.