• Abuse,  Love,  Marriage

    Stinging Love

    I know we are in the Love month and there has been so much on love and all those butterflies. Many partners have outshone each other in showing how much they really care and love. I wish I had my own example of this  but I would put my own story believing someone’ else would learn from my mistakes. When I first got married, I was a stay at home mum although not by choice. This position made me vulnerable and although I did not suffer any physical violence,  I was subject to emotional and financial abuse. And there was hardly anything I could do because I did not have…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Family

    She hurts , we hurt

    How could he have done that?  Are you sure she was killed?  So you mean we will not hear that voice again?  What was the church doing?  How could she have been so much in the public eye and all that was going on in her home and no one knew?  She confided in us but swore us to secrecy.  And the comments and questions went on. Even interviewing the children and siblings of the deceased brought out details I would not like to recall . I was appalled when I found out that this gospel singer died from injuries inflicted by her spouse and it seemed the whole country…

  • Kid smiling to camera
    Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Love

    Celebrating Manhood

    This week we will be celebrating the International Men’s Day and on our sister group, we had an Instagram Live talk discussing ” Celebrating Manhood”. Interestingly the guest was also unaware that there was a day for men known as the International Men’s Day .And he is not alone Iit is quite interesting the responses I got trying to remind people  in various WhatsApp groups I belong to. While I got some positive response from the women folk this year, re-echoing and advising that we should honour the men, some of the men folk voiced out their suspicion as to the agenda behind the International Men’s day . It was…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Love

    Lying Love

    I meet several people and have the privilege of listening to their stories. Sometimes my heart is so broken as I hear the pain in their voice as they recount details of a relationship where they taught love was a common factor. It baffles me sometimes when I wonder if we  actually remember those vows we made , if we meant to keep them or we  were just lying through our  teeth as we stood making vows we   did not intend to keep.Sometimes it is the pain of wondering if the love we experienced or claimed to give or receive  was a lie. I remember  listening  in on the conversation…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Relationship skills

    As you like it

    This month is the month where we celebrate the International  Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and decided we would give this month to talking about abuse and healthy relationships. Relationships can either mar or make us and the more intimate the relationship, the higher the stakes. But one of the problems of relationships is that we all come with what we want , may know exactly how we want it and then fall into the delusion that our significant other or friends  will also know and that usually causes trouble.  I will recount an incident that happened sometime ago to illustrate this . So I usually give…

  • Abuse,  Attitude,  Family

    It Could Be You…

      It was a game of ‘Mummy and Daddy’ gone too far. He had yelled at her, just like Daddy yelled at Mummy, so she carried her baby sister and attempted to breastfeed her like Mummy.  It tickled a little, but she liked it. “Baby suck now”, said ten-year-old Maria; and that was when Mummy caught them. “What are you doing to my Child! What are you doing!! Don’t you know this is CHILD ABUSE!!!”  Maria was horrified. She didn’t want to hurt anyone.  They were just playing, but Mummy called her a child abuser… Mummy grabbed the baby from Maria and walked away.  She was in shock at what…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Family,  Love

    When Love is a Lie

    She could never forget the first day it happened. As the drop of liquid landed on her body, her confusion about its source as well as its willingness to find its way on her arm puzzled her .Had  the tension  in the house gotten so bad that it blew the roof , temporarily ?Was it possible that it was raining in her house? How could it be one isolated drop?. She looked at her husband in utter disbelief and the gleam in his eyes was unmistakable. At the corner of his mouth was a sickening smile that had begun to form, he was glaring at her with a fake look…

  • Abuse,  Family

    Not all dreams should come true

    I still remember all the dreams that I had several years before I got married. I envisaged a happy home with a beautiful wife and children around my table like the Bible promised and when the time was ripe, I pursued the girl I felt that I loved.I did it with as much gusto as any man would. You know all the things we men normally do during the chase, all but to no avail. I added prayer, fasting and even began to sow seeds to have this woman and just when I began to conclude that she may never be mine, a stroke of luck came, I was able…

  • Abuse,  Love,  Parenting

    Left Alone

    It started with her father, of course, when he decided he could love her from afar. He was there physically but never present, he just wouldn’t or couldn’t connect with her. She saw how other fathers were and couldn’t quite understand why hers was different. The same, of course, was received from her mother. Every time it happened, she laid her protective bricks. It happened so often from “friends” and “family” that she had her fortress up in no time. She was left alone in her fortress, able to hurt privately. They tell her she’s cold, unfeeling and hard to approach.  But she doesn’t get why they can’t see that…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Single Life

    No means No

    This week, we celebrated the International Day for Elimination of Violence against Women and I tried to do a recording for it. After several attempts, I decided to just use one .I had in my mind’s eye how I wanted the video to be and pointed out to my friend who was  doing recording that I was still blinking severally rather than looking straight into the camera with unabated eyes. I confess that  I even  compared myself to someone else that we both knew and admired . My friend lovingly pointed out to me that my basis for comparison was skewed as this particular person  primarily  studied Mass Communication and…

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