• Family,  In-Laws,  Relationship skills

    What Men want …4

    We women generally love to talk and it’s not surprising that the men had something to say around this issue. “It’s very insensitive when wives talk bad about their in-laws in the presence of the husband.  That hurts deep.” This is a word for all of us and not just women; however, women seem to have mastered the weapon known as the tongue, a bit more than the men.  There are a few characters in this drama so everyone should listen up! In most cases the in-law(s) who is the subject of the matter tends to be female so only God knows what she said or did to warrant this…

  • Family,  In-Laws,  Relationship skills

    Working with in-laws 4

    I have been reading with interest this series on In-laws and last week. I noted that a husband shared and so decided to share my experience as a wife. I have been married for over a decade now and have had several interactions with my in-laws but I believe that the tone for this interaction at the end of the day is coloured by what the other partner does or say to their own side of the family . One incident comes to mind that illustrates this point for me.  I learned greatly from it, although at the time it occurred, I did not see it in the light. I…

  • Family,  In-Laws,  Relationship skills

    Working with in-laws 3

    I have followed dishusbandmata for some years now, and having read several topics and issues discussed, I thought it would be okay to do some articles by way of commenting on some topics that have been of interest to me from a husband’s perspective. Naturally, I wouldn’t be expected to tell long and flowery stories whilst making my views known, rather, I will go straight to the point and hit the hammer on the nail straight away. That’s because I am a man, and men go straight to the point. Maybe one of those things that makes “husbandmata” an issue for  most wifeys. I will try to give a (man’s)…

  • Family,  In-Laws,  Relationship skills

    Working with in-laws 2

    Several years ago, a cousin disclosed to me how she secretly wished for whomever she would eventually get married to, not to have a mother. According to her, she was not cut out to handle any in-law shenanigans. This revelation sent shivers down my spine. Now, why would anyone wish for such a reprehensible thing? It also got me wondering: would the woman I eventually decide to settle down with also harbour a similar wish? Well, I understood where my cousin was coming from. I know her background. Her mother’s experience with her in-laws was unenviable. Now, fast-forward to a few years down the line.  My cousin met this guy.…

  • Attitude,  Family,  In-Laws

    Working with in-laws

    We all come from different families where we most likely got our values and identity. Growing up as children,my siblings and I were  brought up to respect each other’s privacy, we were taught that the fact that we  are siblings was not an   automatic license to each other’s lives, neither  did  bearing the same surname  confer shareholder’s rights  in  the other person’s affairs and as we grew older and began having our own families, each one of us became more assertive. We showed our love to each other without any feeling of entitlement. We realized early all eight of us were different and there was enough room to be different…

  • Family,  In-Laws,  Relationship skills

    My In-Law Wish

    Several years ago, a cousin disclosed to me how she secretly wished for whomever she would eventually get married to, not to have a mother. According to her, she was not cut out to handle any in-law shenanigans. This revelation sent shivers down my spine. Now, why would anyone wish for such a reprehensible thing? It also got me wondering: would the woman I eventually decide to settle down with also harbour a similar wish? Well, I understood where my cousin was coming from. I know her background. Her mother’s experience with her in-laws was unenviable. Now, fast-forward to a few years down the line.  My cousin met this guy.…

  • Family,  In-Laws,  Marriage

    Omugwo-the eye opener

    I heard someone say recently that her mother-in-law lived with her family for twenty years before she died. I cannot imagine that happening as I do not think my mother-in-law can stand living in the same house with me. If there was a way she could see her son and grandchildren without making any contact with me, I am 100% sure she would take the offer. You may begin to wonder if I offended her but to the best of my knowledge, I haven’t.  In short, from the very first time we met, she has acted awkwardly. It happened several years ago. My husband and I had initially met 5years…

  • In-Laws,  Marriage

    Do me, I Do You!  God no go vex

    This is a popular saying in some parts of the world.  In a nut shell, it means –  tit for tat.  That’s how I roll!  That’s the way we should all roll joor.(pidgin English word for please}  The only difference is that I generally don’t pay back like for like but payback I will.  Everything will be noted for review and actions put in place and this philosophy of mine affects my family and marriage.   When you marry, you become a player in the good, the bad and the ugly on both sides and there is nothing you can do about it.  A good way of describing it is in the…

  • Friendship,  In-Laws

    Your people are NOT My people

      What’s all the hullaballoo about marriage and in-laws? Do some women really ask God for husbands without Moms out of fear? If they live in another country, then in-laws shouldn’t really be an issue, right?  Haven’t we flogged this in-law matter enough!? I have had the privilege of attending a couple of bridal showers recently and the questions above are some of the thoughts and issues that came up. Hearing too many things about marriage and in-laws can be tedious, but I strongly believe that hearing little or nothing on this matter is a recipe for disaster, so stop complaining and read on. ha-ha. While thinking about this subject…

  • By Gracilis,  In-Laws,  Timeless Stories

    The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

      Classifying things into groups is a well  known method for enhancing memorization and   this can be extended to people including our in-laws. The word “in-law” can instantly produce many memories depending on the various types. While I would not say that we are to be held responsible for their actions, some of their behavior to us are actually reactions to our words and actions.   Using the title above, the “good” in-laws as those who have thankfully accepted you as family with no obvious separation between you and the other family members. What is good for the goose is good for the gander and as such ,you are not…

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