Waking up from the bunk bed one morning, I was faced with the arduous task of taking my bath once again in the orientation camp during my service year. There were no bathrooms and as such every morning, the harmattan wind blew with revenge on our naked bodies while the cold water with which we took our baths struggled to take its place as one of the top three causes of our morning misery, losing always to the brutality of the soldiers.
All around me in the open space behind our dormitory were bodies of the womenfolk. Different sizes, shapes and colours. Armed with a pail of some sort, we all tried to work our way from top to bottom in the cleaning ritual. One particular lady some feet away from me bent down to do the needful wash in between the legs.
She was taking considerable time at it and another lady jokingly challenged her. I have not forgotten her epic reply which led to an outburst of laughter,” you have to wash the centre of excellence well” .
I knew this lady was married and automatically pictures from scenes in films popped up. Those scenes where marital duties were about to begin but the husband was begging the wife who began to give a list of her demands to which he appeared to consent so as to get what he wanted.
Sadly, this is the same picture portrayed from the church pulpits where women are admonished not to deny their spouses by using the marriage bed as a bargaining tool. But over the years, I found out fortunately that most of the women I encountered were not interested in using their God-given powers to obtain material things from their partners. Sometimes it was the hope of the conversation after the act that allowed some of these women not to say a definite NO. Rather than being involved because it was the highest expression of their love for their spouses, many more women appear to be involved because it is the only time they actually do anything with their ever absent present spouse. The dilemma is that although they got intimate, no true intimacy was ever achieved. This is because many women are ignored all day, only for them to become the only object of attraction after the lights are turned off! Rather than the anticipated conversations, some men sleep off after the business is done, leaving their wives frustrated and feeling used.
Recently I met someone who was quite forthright with wanting a serious relationship. I felt like we had not even become friends and mentioned on our third date that I hardly knew him. Well somehow, he seemed to be working along with the King James English Bible version and said if I really wanted to know him, we would have to know each other. It was obvious we did not have the same values and so we parted ways. For any relationship to stand the test of time, building blocks of communication, friendship, the ability to resolve conflicts must be in place to mention a few. Unfortunately, many people employ the use of the centre of excellence as their yardstick of a good relationship. They see sex as a sign of love and intimacy but if this was really true, then prostitutes would be the most envied for being the most loved. It is this false sense of intimacy that usually ends up hurting people when they suddenly discover they have married strangers.
This same person told me that he and his friend on a night out in a country where prostitution is legalized went to a red district area. The lady his friend approached declined any further business of the night but agreed to exchange telephone numbers with his friend who fancied her. He confessed to me that he tried to talk his friend out of having a relationship because of the circumstances of the meeting (even though he had also picked one for the night )but his friend remained with his choice having come to know the damsel beyond her shady profession. The lady eventually stopped her work as a sex worker and his friend married her(happily after)
What I am saying is let us not go with the stereotype that women use sex as a weapon. If you are getting repeated excuses from your partner, it might just be a reflection of prior mistreatment and it was a wise man who wrote the book “Sex begins in the kitchen”.Beyond the bedroom, she needs to be treated nicely but if the only time a man says or does something nice to his wife is when he has loin urgings, he is guilty of manipulation and misusing sex also.
Women hate it when they are seen only for one purpose or when their achievements are tied to what society refers to as “bottom power”. The real bottom power of a woman comes out when you appreciate her for who she is, for her values, her dreams, her visions, her fears, her laughter and her tears. Most men would be surprised that several of the battles they are fighting are needless, neither do they need to resort to bribery or threatening to make their spouses do anything. Women generally want to contribute meaningfully into the lives of the men they love.
Loving a woman for who she is, is the best thing a man can do for himself because when a woman is shown loyalty and she works in the security of your love, she puts her whole fibre of love into you and all that is yours. There is hardly any obstacle that can stop the force of the love of a woman (remember your mother ). Never underestimate the power of a woman’ s love for you, where she pours out her soul to help you with your dreams because she has seen in you one who sees her beyond a sex symbol. It is only then that you can get the true excellence of her worth, from the very centre of her soul. You will see excellence in the very word of it, in all areas, yes beyond that “centre of excellence”.