Marriage,  sex

De-weaponize the Culprit!

Warning:This article has been written with the full intention of improving your sex life WITHIN marriage.

There was a man.

He fell in love with a mermaid.

He left his brother, he left his business, and they lived happily ever after.

But one day, he sat on a rock………

This was the introduction to one of the films I watched on repeat as a teenager.  The film itself was mediocre, but the theme song and this introduction really stuck out to me. Most films and books end with the happily ever after, and we really believe that the heroes and heroines of the movies, wake up every morning smiling into each other’s eyes, not needing to brush before they kiss passionately, and all the other things that portray the happily ever after. However, for this hero, there was a ‘but’.

We have been talking about using sex as a manipulation tool,Well, I find the word ‘Manipulation’ very disgusting.  It depicts everything evil. I can’t think of a good way to use it. When you hear a phrase like ‘guilty pleasure’, you know it’s wrong but it still brings a little smile to the corner of your lips; but manipulation – just disgust. So how on God’s green earth did such a horrible word come to be used within the sacredness of sex in marriage?!  I’m young in this business so please bear with me as I air my opinions, but feel free to leave comments and correct me where I am wrong.  Let’s face this matter squarely. First of all, this is a complaint common amongst men i.e., the husband complains that his wife is being manipulative with sex, or using it as a weapon.  There are a few women who find themselves on the receiving end of this issue but the majority of complaints (I have heard) come from the husbands.  Why do we own or use weapons? For offense or defence.  Again, from my understanding, it is the ‘lack of sex’ that is the weapon, and not so much the ‘act of sex’. So, the complaint here is the frequency and not the actual happenings.

If I am to use a weapon against anyone, I would make sure it is a weapon that can’t necessarily be used against me.  For example, if I add a lot of pepper in a meal that has a lot of meat, I know it will be punishment for my husband because he can only tolerate very little doses of pepper.  So, if he wanted to retaliate, peppery food would never be his choice of weapon as that would backfire.  What am I saying?

Husbands, why is your wife happy to stay without sex, for the period she is making you wait?  You may not want to hear this, but she is probably not getting half of the satisfaction you are getting from the act of sex. There! I’ve said it! Sorry ladies, but someone needs to let these men know that they are not quite hitting the mark.  This is not to bruise your ego in anyway brothers.  Let’s talk this out.  If this is something your wife really enjoys, and she is not meeting her needs in unholy ways, then why will she be punishing herself as well as you?

Rather than lovemaking, some men actually rape their wives! They ignore  her during the day, act blindly  to all the chores that need attention, do not have a meaningful touch (random hug, kiss, bum squeeze, nice comment, etc) from waking moment till bedtime; and then when the poor woman  lays her tired body down at night, reach out under the covers without a word and begin to touch her, just enough to arouse her so that penetration is not painful. If you think that is any woman’s idea of pleasure then you have missed it terribly!!!  Sadly, this has been my experience on a few occasions.  I felt like a house girl being forced to do the Master’s bidding! This picture seems really awful and when I tried talking to my husband about how this method made me feel, he was angry at my comparison and missed the whole point of the conversation.  I have never denied my husband of this particular duty, but the temptation to do so has been very real on many occasions. 

My people, look around you.  The world is coming to an end and the rapture is around the corner.  Jesus said there is no marriage in heaven so I take that to mean, sex stops here on earth.  It is a wedding present from God to His children, so please don’t waste any time doing it wrong, especially those who had the opportunity to wait until marriage.  Husbands, we have been told that this act is a MAJOR need in your lives.  However, for a truly satisfying act, we wives need a little help.  There is no unique formula that works on every woman, but if you really want to remove this weapon from your spouse’s arsenal, then pay attention to her needs. I met a young beautiful woman, with an hourglass figure who confessed to having her first orgasm after 8yrs of marriage.  She had two children during those eight years.  Now husbands, can you for a second imagine how your reaction to sex would be if you had sex twice a week for 6 months, and not once were you able to release your generational blessings?  Just think about that.  Yet this is the reality for a lot of women.  Please get educated in this area (as safely as possible – please) and improve your skills.  While reading books is very helpful, the shortcut to solving this problem is creating a beautiful atmosphere for your wife and asking her directly how to pleasure her.  She may be shy and uncertain initially (I still am), but if you are sincere, she will see it and in a short while, sex will never be a weapon, because she wouldn’t want to deprive herself of these new heights attained.

My darling sisters, you are not forgotten.  If Hubby starts to change his attitude, please don’t squash him down by saying “…just because you want sex tonight abi?”  That may be true at the start, but given time, it will just become a good habit. I have a book in my amazon basket which I am saving up to buy called “the good girl’s guide to great sex (and you thought bad girls had all the fun)” by S W Gregorie.  I’ve heard great things about it.  I sent the title to my sister-in-law and she bought it the next day! I’ll probably get it for Christmas – I have a few things to sort out before I buy that one. Lol

So, what have I said? Manipulation is not good in any form, so if you have been a culprit to this, please stop it.  Whether you married Cinderella or Cruella de Ville, you made your vows and you are in.; but life happens, and challenges occur.  We have to be aggressive about doing what it takes to enjoy the blessings of marriage, even if it means eating a huge slice of humble pie more often then we would prefer.  Get to know how your wife likes it.  What did you both dream about when you were single? How can your reality be enviable?  You’ve got God’s approval to enjoy this gift, so have fun doing it!  I really hope this helps you in one way or another.

Now, who will volunteer to send this article to my husband? Hahahahahahaha!


From Now, till Forever,

Featured image:  Courtesy Pixaby

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