Chronicles of !"Becoming a mother!",  Motherhood,  Pregnancy

Finally,my own baby 4

I got married to my husband in 2006, and although we were both married as virgins, it took another nine years before we were able to welcome our first baby, and I eventually bore the name Mother in December 2015.

That period was the most trying period of my life, and I learned several things.

One of the things it taught me was patience and longsuffering; as I developed these qualities, they have helped me with other challenges in my life.

The thing about waiting for a child is that it is not just your problem. Everyone else can see the problem, which in itself is a problem as it means that anyone and everyone can say anything to you if they wanted to. And sometimes, the comments people made were not kind. Sometimes, some comments can make you cry, even on special days when you expect sympathy. I remember on one particular Mother’s Day, someone told me” you don’t understand the joy we are experiencing because you do not have children”.

However, one of the things I did was keep a deaf ear to those negative comments. Instead, I put my attention and drew strength from other quarters. My Christian faith helped; I often turned for encouragement to God’s word- the Bible. I held strongly to the verse that none shall be barren in the land and that I will be a joyful mother of children. There were two women in the Bible -Sarah and Hannah who overcame this problem, but I preferred Hannah as I did not want to have children like Sarah in my old age.

This battle chose my husband and me, and as we faced this challenge, we appreciated each other better, became closer and began to check ourselves.

I realised this was a pattern in my family. My elder sister had her first child after eight years of marriage, and my elder brother, who married before me, was still expecting a child then; thanks to God, he now has twins. At the time, I wondered if I was operating under a generational curse which was a concern that led to more spiritual exercises.

We prayed and fasted and I must admit that in the beginning, due to my spiritual immaturity, it felt like a transactional relationship with God as I thought my spiritual works or activities with God would earn me the child rather than holding on to his unfailing words which say that none shall be barren.

I admit that during that time, we bowed to pressure from caring family members to pray with different men on God, some of whom were not genuine.But as the years passed, we became spiritually mature and better understood the efficacy of his words. We held tenaciously to his promises, which guided us in the journey.

We did not overlook the place of medical consultation at the time as I visited the obstetrician and gynaecologists for professional help.

I underwent different medical tests and procedures and these medical checks revealed I had PCOS –Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Knowing what I was dealing with medically also helped me to channel my prayers and I would advise everyone to get a medical check.

I was advised to lose five per cent of my weight, which was very hard for me. The consultations were six monthly, and I was advised to lose weight with each visit. I was also offered Metformin to support weight loss, but I struggled to cope with metformin and didn’t use it. Being a medical doctor, I also self-medicated and requested clomid tablets from Nigeria as the UK doctors would not prescribe them without weight loss. This I used for many years with no positive pregnancy test.

As we both lived in different countries, it was difficult to follow the doctor’s recommendation for regular sex and to monitor fertility.

We did not consider IVF as we didn’t have the financial capacity to pay for it in the UK as it was not free, and age was not on my side. Adoption was considered the last option if all didn’t go well, as we had a few friends who had successful adoptions.

During the waiting period, we had to cope with other challenges, including living in separate countries, our immigration status and the need for career progression and professional registration.

The years rolled by until we met one of my husband’s close friends who happened to have a similar medical condition to mine. She was very open to sharing her medical condition and treatment journey. She shared her weight loss journey and also supported me in losing weight that I had struggled with for many years. I also looked into different natural supplements for female hormonal balance and period regulation. The weight loss and the natural supplements improved my ovulation, which I tracked for months and achieved regular cycles. The regular cycles helped me to track and plan for journeys when visiting my husband in a different country.

The waiting journey ended following a short visit of about two weeks to my husband, and on returning to the UK, I discovered I was pregnant, which was a shocking news as it was my first ever positive pregnancy test since nine years of marriage. Although I miscarried the first positive test after three months, it was a great boost for my faith that it would happen again.

The Lord finally did it a few months after the miscarriage and on another visit. This one stayed till the end, and I became a joyful mother to a bouncing baby boy in December 2015. I can still recall having daily pregnancy tests for the first three months to ascertain it was still there. My first ultrasound scan sealed it all for me, and I wept with joy. Looking at the first scan picture and sharing it with my husband on WhatsApp was another celebration.

Reflecting on my fertility journey, I thought God used different means to answer his children’s prayers. He uses people and the mundane things of this world to meet our needs. We do not necessarily need to hear a loud voice from God, and in his majesty, he directed our steps to a close friend we have not met in many years to help our fertility journey. Also, it is paramount for waiting couples to live together if they are keen on having children. Our journey could have been faster if we had lived together.

But I am grateful to God because he worked everything out in his own time. I now have a second child, and these children have come at God’s best time without any stress to take care of them. They are mighty giants in the land and growing gracefully in his grace.

 

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