Finding another baby…

Happy Mother’s day. As promised, here is our first story. It is a story of a journey of secondary infertility

I had a difficult time after I had my first daughter. Labor was painless, delivery seemingly simple but two days after I started bleeding. I ended up in the ICU with a number of complications. I came out of hospital several days later a completely different person. Looking back, the trauma I experienced dealt with me but I didn’t realize just how much. The first and obvious sign of trauma was my aversion to going through the childbirth process again. At least not for the foreseeable future. I had my family planning method set up and ensured there was no way I could end up pregnant. My daughter grew up and once she realized the family could be bigger began to ask, pray and then pester for a younger sister.

At first, I didn’t take her seriously but with time I realized we needed another child and so my husband and I agreed to try for another baby 5 years after. It took 36months for our baby to arrive and in that time I had to heal mentally and emotionally.

Even though I had physically removed everything that prevented conception I realize there was a mental barrier to overcome. I had blocked the memory of my first childbirth experience but it wasn’t gone, it was just hidden.

On one hand I would be sad that conception didn’t happen, on the other I was relieved that it hadn’t occurred. A friend of mine sensed this and told me that as long as a part of me held back, my body would know I wasn’t ready. Month in month out I would get a few false alarms only to see my period shortly after.

At one point I concluded the first hospital had damaged something or the other and wanted to go check it out but hubby didn’t even want to hear it- he kept saying God that gave us a daughter would give us another. He was so certain that this infused hope.

Thankfully family didn’t ask once or pressure in any way- it was strangers that had no business speaking to me that said hurtful things. They were of no consequence and I didn’t owe them anything so I just ignored.

I had a stressful job and no help and so after a lot of talking to hubby who didn’t want help, I got one and shortly after I realized I started to put on weight. Shortly after I found i was pregnant. Before I told my daughter she had asked why God didn’t answer her prayers when “she really really wanted a baby

July 1st 2015 – her baby sister Oluwatobiloba was born. A fulfilment of Gods promise that our children will surround our table. Her older sister had prayed her down.

Her cry for a little sister was answered so beautifully , 4 days before her 8th birthday. In the same month  that I almost lost my life, God redeemed that month and made it so beautiful. My birth experience was positive and ended all the fear that accompanied my first childbirth experience.

It is instructive that it was the month I gave up and told God I’m no longer going to stress about having a child was the same month I became pregnant. It was as if releasing my desires caused them to be fulfilled.

Toluwalase turns 17 in a few months, her sister 9 and I can only marvel at a God that redeems completely.

Sisterly