Foolish Lovers

I come from a broken home with both parents remarried. I was the only child between them. I was very lonely growing up because my siblings from both my parents were my half brothers and sisters and I was always seen and treated as the outsider so I never really belonged anywhere.

I had vowed even before I met Christ that no child of mine would experience the kind of life I had. Being a Christian helped to reinforce my decision. I would marry a God-fearing woman who loved God and will honor our marriage.

A nagging voice at the back of my mind kept  whispering  to me that divorce is in my lineage, it’s a curse that must be but I told myself it won’t be my portion because I have Christ and will not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever in marriage.

But alas, I was wrong, so wrong, very wrong.

This is so painful to recall so I will brief, I don’t like to recall that time in my life. I am still healing because it is very difficult for me to get past it although each year it gets better, I think less of the hurt and when I think about the product of the union, it’s like water to a parched throat.

I was very active in my church and I met my wife in church, she was also very active, in fact, she was an executive assistant to a female pastor of a very vibrant women ministry. Her boss was a very spiritual woman and my ex-wife was very close to her.

We started courting and I proposed, she accepted and wedding plans were in top gear.  Two weeks to our wedding, I asked her to pick up my shirt for the wedding and drop it at my place but unfortunately she couldn’t, so she asked me to pick it from her wardrobe, I got to her apartment, on opening the wardrobe I met a sight that broke my heart into a  million pieces. I saw some fetish objects in a pot with some other things like black soap with a rope around it.

I didn’t need anyone to explain what I saw, I just knew she patronizes witchdoctors.  You see, I didn’t mention this but she also happens to be a daughter to a pastor who lived a sheltered life in her childhood so I couldn’t reconcile the woman she has presented herself to be to me or the woman people believed her to be with the woman in her closet who obviously isn’t a true believer.

Immediately I made up my mind not to go ahead with the marriage,

I said it is better to face the shame of a wedding that never held,  lose all the money I have spent so far than marry a woman that might end up killing me. It was like she realized that those objects weren’t properly hidden because she didn’t expect I will be visiting as she was supposed to bring my shirt.

When she came back, I calmingly told her, it was over, I wasn’t going to embarrass her by broadcasting what I saw, I was going to put her away quietly like Joseph wanted to put Mary away quietly when she became pregnant with Jesus.  She cried and begged, said it was a mistake, promised to throw it all away and that it will never happen in our marriage but I refused.

As I walked away, she was crying and begging but I just went on.  I got on to the main road and I heard screams behind me, shouts of hold her, hold her and as I turned I saw her falling to the ground in a dead faint, I rushed there and joined some other men already carrying her, someone brought water which was sprinkled on her, we took her inside, I stayed with her till she came round and then she  continued to plead for mercy.

I accepted because I loved her and believed her promise to never patronize the witchdoctor again. We got married as planned and all was good for about four years when her true colors began to manifest.  She will leave home for days and her phones will be switched off and I will be left alone to cater for our toddler.  When she eventually returns, she will not be remorseful, she will pick quarrels with me. Here was I fighting to keep a marriage with a woman obviously committing adultery because I didn’t want to be another statistic of a broken marriage in my family.  I loved my little girl with every fiber in me and I die at the thought of her becoming a product of a broken home, another statistic. My wife’s infidelity was confirmed when she got back from one of such trips and our daughter looking for treats in her bag brought out postinor (Emergency contraceptive pill) and condoms.O,it hurts so much to be cheated on.

Then I found fetish things hidden in the visitor’s room, to say I was disappointed is an understatement but still, I tried to keep it together by talking, scolding her, I begged her to be a good example to our daughter. Long story short, I came back to the house one day to find out she had taken everything, I mean everything and was gone with our daughter after 7 years of marriage. I still made moves to reconcile believing she can change. It’s been three years and this year I decided to move on.  My parents are on my neck to remarry, people are advising me to move on, she is not worth it.

God made a way of escape for me when I caught her with those things before we got married but I was unwise and I paid dearly for it, God actually answered my prayers.

I did all I could to make my marriage work but I guess my best wasn’t good enough. Whenever I read the stories of infidelity, it sometimes looks like it is the men only but alas the women also do it. Infidelity, irrespective of the culprit is a marriage destroyer.

Sometimes God helps us with the warning signs but we allow sentiments to take over. If only I could reverse my decision ten years ago, I would have saved myself the heartache.  I would have refused to be foolish and not based my marriage decision on a promise when our values did not align. This foolishness has cost a lot and hopefully ,reading this will help you not to continue  going  along in the wrong direction ,choosing not to be a foolish lover .