By Gracilis,  Relationship skills,  Timeless Stories

Home Truths (1)

Last Christmas I came across a  list written  by one of my colleagues, it was not
that I was being nosy ,the notebook where she had written the list was somehow different and open , so caught my  attention naturally.

Her list was something like this
Dad  £200 
Mum £200 
 sibling £200
Boyfriend  £500

I knew he was the one because I had heard her mention his name severally.
Well I laughed over the list as I believe it was a reflection of where her investments lay….the future probably with her boyfriend .She did not need to earn points with her parents or siblings.

If we all perhaps make our own list like hers, I guarantee it might be different but  it would reveal how much value we place on the people in our lives. And I know sometimes we might say “…it is not the gift but the thought that matters” but our gifts are usually a reflection of the worth of the relationship to us. The thing about the monetary value of a gift is that our money represents our time.

Time in itself is another indicator of the worth of a relationship. Many of us can remember how much time we spent when we first met that“ special someone”, how   suddenly  we realized that we could function  wide awake for several hours after our normal sleeping hours and still had time during the day to still talk with them.It was new love and time had to stand still.
But perhaps one of the greatest of all indicators of respect we have for a relationship is our words. The words we use when we speak about or to the persons concerned (this goes beyond the actual words used to the tone and body language) can easily point to others a reflection of our hearts.

I was chatting with a friend some days ago and I noticed I was becoming angrier and angrier  as she recounted words that her sister in law had spoken to her brother. Obviously one of those marriages  where the man is being verbally abused and the stories are endless. Why would a woman speak disrespectfully to her husband, shouting, swearing and even cursing . And I don’t mean anyhow cursing but the kind that she calls her husband’s name in the morning and call all the names of their  children one after the other and tell him he will not live to see them grow old !(oops, your wifey isn’t that bad ,thank God) .

I am left in amazement over and over again as to  how do some women get there?  These are the same women who during the wedding reception   may have fed their husbands in public for the first time by kneeling down to give him food in front of the wedding guests (don’t know why people engage in this phony act considering the fact that that is the last time many people ever do that ).
Thinking about this has made me to conclude that most times  when a woman begins to behave like this, the issue is  that she is no longer interested in the marriage. Marriage for her was just a tick box exercise or a means to have children legally and unfortunately in this part of the world, an immigration settlement route. Regrettably, as I speak to several people, I discover that although most women love the idea of being married, not many  are ready for the commitment of marriage or in being the home maker. The words they speak betray their heart contents and eventually their actions confirm that marriage was just a good idea. 

 I wonder as the year comes to an end  if we can also take stock of  our relationships and how our words played a major role in their present state. The stark reality is that with our words, we can  destroy our  homes, without  needing any input from  witches or outsiders. Some people started this year in a relationship or perhaps even married but right now they are no more in the marriage or relationship and if the gospel truth be told the reason is that their words have been the bane of their relationships. Hurtful hateful and lying words can easily destroy a relationship without the  assistance of the devil!

The words we speak colour the atmosphere  in our homes  hence the need for us as women not to say everything. This is because sometimes we think we are seeing everything (forgetting we  are all plagued   with blind spots ) but what we think is everything is not and a perceived  action of someone else  might just be a reaction  and sometimes silence indeed is golden being the distinguishing factor between a wise and a foolish woman . 
Imagine what would happen if we all took the time to choose our words the way we will do at work when we are angry at our bosses or perhaps even in church. Just half of the courtesy we show in church or perhaps at the gym or shopping mall to total strangers replicated in our homes will save many homes from word induced trouble and needless World War 3 battles. 

I am the first to confess that this year, there are some words I have spoken that I shouldn’t have. Perhaps also some text messages I should not have sent or even forwarded and I have had to go back and apologize and as such , when I write these, it is not from any perfect position but from one who has  been to the school of hard knocks. The good thing is  I do take steps to ensure I do not repeat some foolishness( I usually check my messages with a  trusted friend before sending them especially when I am hurt and sometimes, this friend rewords and rephrases  my messages. I have to wait for her edition(imagine) before sending out a much needed reply. .It is humbling but it does keep me in check and stops me from exhibiting further foolishness) .

 And so this Season, I call on all our readers especially all the women folk to use words that show we value our relationships. Let us choose to use words only that will build our homes.


Dishusbandmata…….passionate about relationships

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