By Gracilis,  Relationship skills

Little necessary words

I have quickly had to start writing another post as I discovered that I did not have access to the article I had already written.I did not want to start all over again and it was with great hesitancy I began to write another piece, By the time I actually started and had won the mind game, I began to wonder how many times we all actually refuse to do something new because we are stuck with the familiar or do I say, how many times do we actually fail at our new year resolutions because we have undermined the power of habit and the familiar.]
Even in our everyday relationships, there is a tendency to remain with the familiar irrespective of how dysfunctional it may be.
I was reminded about this recently when one day last weekend, I parked my car in a spot that was extremely convenient.  I literally got out of the car and slipped into work. This was something I could only do during the weekend as there were no traffic fines. What was puzzling however was that immediately work was over, I dashed off in the direction of the car park and it was not until I was almost there, I remembered that I had parked elsewhere. I laughed at myself and had to make a U turn to where I had parked. 
As I drove home, I started to think about the power of habit and the familiar and how sometimes, or would I say most times we are driven by our habits and when a new year comes like this, usually there are a lot of things we plan to change and sometimes forget that change in itself is not easy. My  thoughts also wondered to  what would  have happened if I had decided to continue moving towards the car park because that was where I expected to find my car in spite of the reality that I had parked in a totally different place for my convenience.It required an effort to stop in the direction of the familiar to something new because I knew my car was not in the car park. But sometimes in our relationships, the fear of the unknown can be one of the  biggest  hindrances to the much needed change. We are faced with the many sided probabilities of what the change might bring, to those around us whose responses we are not entirely responsible for as they my choose to react inappropriately.
Whenever  we  are effecting changes, it is maturity to give others the liberty of responding to the changes and not every response is going to be as we expect. Sometimes we are going to be met with resistance but must remember the reason for the change and stick with it.
One of the changes I expect  to make this year or perhaps do more this year is to be generous with compliments to the people in my circle. Not to overlook even the tiniest detail of what someone has done well . I am not talking about flattery or smooth talking but about genuinely appreciating the differences of others and the contributions and enrichment those differences make in my own circle.
Sometime ago, a friend told me that she was complimented by her husband and her response was a mixture of shock and confusion. Because compliments from him had become such a rarity in her home, her response was far from the normal.
 I also remember during my undergraduate days, a colleague of mine made a remark that I felt was rather derogatory. She said  your legs are like mosquito legs and up to today, I am still grateful of the fact that I actually replied and said they are not but are in proportion to my body. Yes. I was skinny but for goodness sake, I didn’t need that kind of compliment. It is more than a decade and a half years now but every now and then when I look at the mirror, I still sometimes have my attention diverted to the acclaimed mosquito legs.
So this year, I have made up my mind not to ignore even the tiniest bit of good that is done by someone else as compliments   can enhance relationships and energize people to do more. It also has the benefit of keeping one humble knowing that we are beneficiaries of the efforts of others also.
Wherever your little community may be, either at work, home or social circle, remember to add the seasoning of compliments to your relationships and let me start by saying Thank you once again for taking the time to read this blog, thank you for your encouraging words and private messages and a big Thank You to the writers in dishusbandmata who keep the vision going .

…….passionate about  healthy relationships


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