Love,  Romance

Love for real

It seems like the year is really running as I find it hard to believe that   the next thing on the agenda is St Valentine’s Day. Not everyone believes in celebrating Valentine though but that should not stop us from recognizing what the season or the day represents.

Several people use this time to declare their love and I remember when I was in high school, one of my roommates had an anonymous Valentine card.Well, it actually seemed anonymous but as she peered and touched the card, she came across a small seal which she broke. It revealed the name of the sender.He was one of the quiet boys in the class. No one would have ever thought he was interested in any girl, talk less of her.

I tell you that receiving that card put my roommate on another level. I forgot to mention that she was a new girl and was trying to fit into the new school. When she received that card, there was a new spring in her steps. She took extra time with her brown powder and drawing her eye pencil.  She was elated, she was admired, at least someone was in love with her, so much that he decided to go public about it by buying her a card.

But was it love?

I recall during Valentine period many years ago while  in a Preparation School preparing to enter the University ,overhearing the conversation between 2 guys then. One was complaining to the other that his girlfriend brought a gift and card on Valentine’s Day claiming she loved him but he told her that if she loved him, then she should allow them go physical.

I wondered hearing that then why the guy would be demanding such knowing fully well the girl could become pregnant (my knowledge of contraception was limited) and that could serve as a serious detour to her career path. But for him, that was the way he probably thought love should be expressed. Did he really love her?

Fast forward to decades later and the subject of love is still a mystery. I mean how do you explain two people who declare their love in front of everyone and even go to a church taking solemn vows and one day, one of them kills the other. How does a man get killed by his wife or vice versa? Is it love or was there love?

I am yet to hear of any wedding where the bride and groom promised each other divorce when they were taking their vows. No, that does not happen. It is usually a “forever I will love and cherish you” and all the things that make us cry with joy when we attend wedding ceremonies.

I have seen people whom I could have sworn their love would last forever. They came together in spite of all odds, armed with revelations of how God told them the other was their partner backed even with testimonies of divine revelations too from others. It seemed they had all the backings of heaven that would make some ordinary couple jealous but still their love took a detour and the marriage ended.

Were they not  in love?

Was it not the will of God ? (for the spiritual folks)

Could love have grown cold? Does love have the propensity to change and what must we do to keep that love we felt at the beginning of our relationships vibrant and increasing or perhaps what do we need to stop doing so we are not pouring water to quench the burning coals of our love.

Perhaps you have begun to doubt the authenticity of the love you first felt at the beginning of the relationship or the love that led to the altar. It may be that   you are still expecting your love tank  to drive on the fuel of feelings  only. Am I saying we shouldn’t feel?

No far from it but if our love is to last and weather the storms of life, we must be ready to love and be loving beyond feelings because love is also a decision . It could be love but if it is not nourished, it will die or worse still, turn to hate, and we all know that the hatred that is at the other end of love can be terrible.

Love will continue to be a hot topic but if we must do anything about the love we feel to keep it ablaze, we must be ready to work  on it daily Well like one person rightly said, even marriages made in heaven have to be maintained on earth

This Valentine season might just be another time to do a relationship check and evaluate how many times we have acted out from the feelings of “not feeling loved”.


Loving feelings do have the propensity to change and it is our responsibility to nurture it by acting in consideration of our loved ones, on a daily basis so they are not in doubt and wondering. Our daily actions should not cause our loved ones to be checking if your love is for real,

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