My Dream-like Reality

My Ideal home.

What I wish for.

God’s perfect picture.

All these where serious contenders for the title of this article; but when it came down to it, I needed contrast, an oxymoron to really hit the nail on what I am feeling right this minute. It takes me ages to write a piece these days, and the story probably changes ten times over before I get the chance to type.  Still, I love the opportunity to express my take on certain issues based on my present reality.  So, I am going to lead you through a few of my ideals in a home, and measure them against what I-deal with at the moment.  Hope you enjoy the ride!

In my Ideal home, my husband shares his food with me.

I’m not necessarily into the whole take-food-from-my-plate kinda love, so that’s not the issue here. Will you believe that my husband bought some nuts the other day, and before I got a chance to take some, he had finished them! “How come you’ve eaten everything?” I asked. “This thing can be addictive when you start…” was his response. This is not the first time it has happened.  I buy things thinking of the family and how there should be enough for everyone.  He buys things he likes and if you like it as well, it becomes an issue.  Sometimes we have laughed over this, but other times – well let’s just say we were not laughing in those times.  I guess it takes some people a bit longer to mentally transform from being single to being married. Every meal I cook is for the family.  Every meal he cooks is for himself.  I have tried using both force and fun to eat but it doesn’t feel the same, compared to when you are offered a meal that was prepared with you in mind.  This is not an issue in my ideal home, but this is what I am currently dealing with.

In my Ideal home, my children are tidy.

You see before I got married, I imagined I would be ‘super mama’ with amazing children who would always listen to and obey me.  Someone once visited my parents’ house and from the front door she said: “you can tell there are no young children in this house.”  I remember thinking, even if there were young children here, the entrance to the house will not show it!  Well, now that I am in my own home, my words bite me every now and again.  There is no mess from the front door, but you wouldn’t need to look too far to know that some young, opinionated people are resident on the premises. Toys are lurking in every corner, bits, and bobs can be found between the cushions and certain fingerprints can be found in many unusual places.  The laundry – although clean, takes forever to get folded and the spare room is now the dumping ground for everything.  I love my children and I really want them to have an amazing fun-filled childhood, but tidying up after them is a job I really need to get paid for!

In my ideal home, I am the Proverbs 31 Woman!

I’ve had to read that chapter a few times recently and I tend to ask “How did you do it?”  How do you run a home and a business and manage a husband, and sow clothes, and wake up early while sleeping late!? Some Bible scholars have said she didn’t do all those things in one season – she was faithful to do what was needed at whatever season of her life.  While this is a relief to know, I (like many others) still compare myself to this epitome of a woman, and it definitely seems like a dream to attain such a status.  Big Shout Out to all the Moms and Dads who are handling the day to day affairs of the home and managing a part-time or full-time job and serving faithfully in the church and community! especially those dealing with children under 10yrs old. I thro-way salute!!! (as they say in some parts of the world).

I haven’t given up though. I will continue to work towards this ideal trusting that the rewards will follow as I remain faithful.

In my ideal home, my children give me generous kisses and hugs.

Yes, I am currently living this dream as this is my present reality!!!  My children wake up to kisses and hugs, so they give and demand those kisses and hugs all through the day.  Just when I thought my first born had reached the age when they begin to shy away from kisses, I start getting random demands for more. “Mummy kiss me!” after which a hug always follows. My baby is even more demanding.  It makes a tough day seem worth it, and it lightens the mood when heaviness is attempting to settle in.  My husband is yet to grasp this aspect of loving.  He seems to be a ‘lights off, then action’ kind of man.  I say seems because once in a very long while, I would get the occasional hug while I’m cutting onions or something.  I am still very shocked when this happens as it is not our ‘normal’ yet…… but I’d be happy to work towards that.  I used to hug and kiss him randomly in the beginning, but his response did not promote this action.  Maybe I’ll try again tonight…

In my ideal home, my husband and I are one in every way.

This is the BIG one.  The one that trickles down into every other facet of our marriage and home.  I want to understand him better, learn his ways and follow his leading as he follows God, but he has not found it easy to express those thoughts and feelings to me.  Decisions are made without my input 99% of the time, and I am expected to just go along with them.  I argue my case and sometimes those decisions are changed.  Other times it’s just another fruitless argument.  He says he likes a particular meal, I cook it, and he has changed his mind about it.  He moves on from his favourites and forgets to mention it to me.  He is not aware of my thought process.  For example, I am training our children to be in bed by 7 pm or 8 pm at the very latest.  He hasn’t understood why this is needful as he has not experienced a full school-run morning (due to the nature of his work).  The struggle of dragging sleepy children to the bathroom as they throw tantrums, while another is crying for attention somewhere else, or offering breakfast and hearing ‘I don’t want that Mummy’…… Can I get a witness in the house! (lol)

I am also lacking when it comes to understanding his need to be on the computer ever so often.  He says he is making money there and I argue saying “after the money is made, who will you enjoy it with if we don’t invest time in each other now?”  He is yet to fully grasp the power of agreement and how formidable our home can be if we work together in agreement

I am also lacking when it comes to understanding his need to be on the computer ever so often.  He says he is making money there and I argue saying “after the money is made, who will you enjoy it with if we don’t invest time in each other now?”  He is yet to fully grasp the power of agreement and how formidable our home can be if we work together in agreement.  He would say that I am not ambitious anymore and that I am pouring my energy into the wrong things like television programmes and fictional books, instead of reading business books and how to make more everything.  Yes, I don’t have time for that, but waking at 5 am and going to bed at 12:30 am doesn’t give much time to study and deep stuff.  Having said that, I have taken up some profitable hobbies which I like, but he does not approve because he can’t see the benefits in them at the moment.  Writing this article is one of the things he would prefer that I quit.  It has taken almost four weeks to sit down to begin this, and one week to actually write due to constant interruptions from my lovely gems.

In my ideal home, there is peaceful chaos.  We laugh, we play, we make a mess together and clean it up together.  We teach our children together and share our deepest desires in love.  We’ve got the rest of our lives to work on this so I am not giving up.  My dreams will become my reality very very soon.  I look forward to living the dream!!!!

Eyes on the prize