Earlier this year I contemplated doing something I said I would never do. In fact, this thing has been my one constant whenever I think about relationships for as long as I can remember. Now before I expose myself, I think a little context is required.
There are two things I have always put my feet down about when it comes to relationships. First, not going back to an ex after breaking up. I just believe once it ends, it ends. That’s it. No point in trying to drag something on longer than it needs to be. And second, taking control of the situation to get what I want (if it’s within my power). I mean why wait if it’s something I can make happen for myself?
I think these two things have served me well so far, I mean the second one was the power force behind my last relationship. I remember meeting him at a friends’ birthday party and we hit it off immediately. We’ll call him Dave. I really liked Dave but I was sort of speaking to someone else at that time. We spoke constantly about anything and everything to the point that I just knew the next thing would be for Dave to ask me out. I remember asking him to not ask me his next question yet because I wasn’t ready.
I was still “talking” to this other guy, you see, but I knew I liked Dave more. So, my number two thing came into play. I knew this other guy was still trying to decide what he wanted, very long story for another day, so I “grabbed the bull by the horns” as they say. I called him asking him what his intentions were and when he couldn’t give me a solid answer, I told him I’d be happy to just remain friends and nothing more. I sent Dave a message after this call telling him he could ask me his question, and he then asked me to be his girlfriend!
The power of taking control!
Now let’s fast forward 8 years after the break up, and you find me contemplating something I never thought I would. I’m sure you can guess what it was already. I thought about getting back together with Dave.
I honestly think it was a case of ‘I haven’t been interested in a relationship for so long and when I decided I was alright with the idea again, the first guy to come into my “circle” was Dave’. Obviously, there must have been something that appealed him to me in the first place right? I found myself thinking about this for a while. Longer than I would like to admit. But I also kept thinking about my number one thing I mentioned earlier. Not going back.
It got to a point where I had to sit myself down and question my motive. I knew what I believed about not going back, and I’m not saying it’s the right thing for everyone. But I knew what I wanted for myself and it also made me realise why I was keeping Dave as an option.
It was my way of going to something I knew; something I was comfortable with, maybe possible settling for something familiar.
Getting to a place when you realise you don’t yet have all the things you want in your life, doesn’t give you allowance to settle for second best or to go back to what is “comfortable” and “familiar”. It just means you have more time to get yourself ready for all that you deserve.
Say ‘Never!’ to being comfortable; to settling. But be prepared to take control of any situation to get what you deserve.
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