We’ve all done silly things we look back at and just shake our heads at. Most people know that breaking up is a hard process to go through. But it’s even harder when you need to decide if you should stay in touch with your ex after the breakup. This is where things get complicated. But remaining in each other’s lives makes moving on harder and slipping back very risky.
Funny thing is, I was just talking to a girlfriend about this a couple of days ago. We were talking about our ex experiences, and I was remembering how my previous relationship ended amicably – which led me to a place of false comfort in us staying in touch. I mean it wasn’t like the break up was dramatic, it was just a case of wrong timing and I fully don’t believe in going back either anyway. So I thought I’d be alright…. That’s why, I can’t even explain to you what possessed me to want to “stay connected” or what I thought would happen!
Things ended with “If we’re meant to be together, it’ll happen soon enough”, even though I knew in the back of my mind that I didn’t fully believe that. So we carried on speaking, but not with the same frequency. Couple of months pass and everything is cool; we’re still friends, we talk, we check up on each other, we even hang out sometimes (with other friends present of course). And then I hear from a mutual friend that he has a new girlfriend. SHOCK!!
As this friend was filling me in, all I kept thinking was ‘I thought you thought we were going to get back together’. It’s not like I honestly wanted that to happen, but I had always just believed he thought it and that thought made something clear to me. I never really tried to move on; I’d been unconsciously holding on to my ex and just putting things on pause. Semi waiting for us get back together.
Truth is, I wouldn’t have been able to move on even if I wanted to. Not with the open contact I still had with him anyway. We really shouldn’t have been orbiting each other like that.
But going back to my conversation a couple of days ago, this girlfriend was telling me how she tried bringing her ex (Tom) back into her life after cutting off contact with him. (t least she had the right idea in the first place. That has to count for something, right?).
Tom had met her family when they were together and so she thought it would just be easy to go back to someone who is already familiar with her family history, rather than trying to meet someone new to start over with. So my friend contacted Tom and they went to the museum, went to a fair, had dinner, and then he wanted more…. And she then remembered that they had different relationship standards. And the rest is literally history.
But honestly, ALL CONTACT SHOULD BE CUT OFF AFTER A BREAK UP. It’s just not worth the drama. It’s emotionally draining and a constant temptation to slipping back.
Just shake it off and move swiftly on!
Straight from my heart,
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