She hurts , we hurt

How could he have done that? 

Are you sure she was killed?

 So you mean we will not hear that voice again?

 What was the church doing?

 How could she have been so much in the public eye and all that was going on in her home and no one knew?

 She confided in us but swore us to secrecy. 

And the comments and questions went on.

Even interviewing the children and siblings of the deceased brought out details I would not like to recall .

I was appalled when I found out that this gospel singer died from injuries inflicted by her spouse and it seemed the whole country was in uproar.

Several talk shows were conducted, people were angry,

I even saw some organizations advise that they run domestic abuse services .It seemed we were going the right path with so much zeal but it was not long .It hardly lasted because the very next week ,another  story involving child abuse and a sex tape with minor s flooded the social media. The cause was abandoned and our fire brigade approach took another r project.

A  friend told me yesterday about another lady who was continually being raped by her father .She was the eldest child and had already had two children by her own father in the house with her mother aware and still married to her father .Her mother  told her not to break her home 😳 especially as she might be the one seducing her father .The lady in question eventually left to report to social services when she found out that her father had begun sleeping with her younger ones .

I remember the first time a friend told me her husband spat on her .I honestly could not wrap my head around that .If he had just stopped with beating her ,as bad as that is, I could relate but spitting on another human being , why would one actually do that ?

I am glad my friend eventually left that relationship and is remarried to a wonderful man now

I am not sure about you but what I have observed from those who stopped domestic abuse from escalating or removed themselves from domestic abuse situations is that they made a big deal about the abuse .

They did not shy from it by giving excuses for the perpetrators or explaining it away. And I know that we sometimes might say why don’t people just leave ,especially if it is that bad ?

Leaving is multi-faceted and convoluted and only the person involved can come to that decision. Usually when anyone else tries to get them to that point prematurely, the leaving does not last and they return.

Unfortunately, some are killed before they get to make the decision.

So what can we do ?  Starting up the conversation may be hard and awkward but we can use some conversational starters by sending some nice stories to them and follow up.

We can also help spread the word to inform and educate others. We can direct them to blogs like this that use stories to teach healthy relationships as well as give instances of abuse.

We can encourage them to see professionals who can help especially with a customized plan for them. We can also be a listening ear letting them know that we believe them and that there is no excuse for abuse .

Another thing to note is that if we are going to make and ensure it does not continue, we must be consistent. It shouldn’t be that we only pay attention to only high-profile cases or perhaps  allow culture/religion to distort our views.

And it is not just a matter of calling the couple to a counselling session (in short this is a move that usually causes more problems for the victims).

Violence against women is still very real in our world today cutting across race,age, educational  status,culture or religion.

We have had enough and it is time to speak up and say no .

The consequences of what happens in the home are far reaching and at the end of the day, it affects all of us .

We lose a voice, a void is left unfilled, self-esteem crippled and potentials not realized. So on this International Day for  the  Elimination of  Violence Against Women , let us remember that when she hurts, we all are affected and hurt too.

Say No to  Violence against Women

 

Ps- A live recording to celebrate the day was done yeaterday with a Grender Based  Violence Activist ,Pastor Mrs Leah Umeokeke Gender Based Violence& the Pastor’s wife