So,I confessed…

Confessions of infidelity come in different forms and types. Social media has also made some confessions that were meant to be private to become public. Although one would expect   that before a confession goes public, the individuals involved would have known already.

But there are circumstances where before the culprit has the chance to make a confession, the events have been made public. This of course makes the confession or reconciliation process to be more arduous. But no matter how the confession comes out, at one point or the other, we must come to deal with the aftermaths of a Confession.

It  is important  to respond to a confession appropriately as the type of response given would go a long way in determining the future and health of the relationship. Sometimes the greatest threat to any healing occurring is a partner who does not see anything wrong in their actions or excuses them as common.

While it is true that almost one-third of relationships will experience problems with infidelity, being faced with news of cheating in your relationship can be horrendous. It can easily lead to a loss of self-esteem, confidence and depression. Cheating actually rocks the foundation of your being, questions the veracity of the relationship and unfortunately entails dealing with several emotions all at the same time.

Before you begin to think about the future of the relationship, it is important to be really selfish and take care of yourself. Are you in a good place mentally? Are you facing the truth about the situation and not allowing yourself to be dragged into the coulda, woulda and shoulda mode with the insurmountable task of wanting to turn the hand of the clock ?

With the emotional wounds inflicted, your emotions may be all over the place. It is alright to cry, be angry, feel betrayed and lonely. Sometimes you may just feel like hurting your partner to teach him/her a lesson.  .A friend of mine said there were times she brought out a pair of scissors as she looked at her husband’s shirts with the intention of cutting them all into pieces. Not every desire should be acted on and it would be best to let out your emotions safely by sometimes writing them down through journalling or by talking to a trusted friend or counselor. I would like to add here that it would be a good idea to resist write-ups on your social media platforms or discussing the matter with every Tom, Dick, and Harry.

Do not allow anyone pressurize you on what to do and do not make a permanent decision based on a temporary situation. I know a friend who asked for a divorce on the spot when two of her husband’s side chicks were involved in a fight that was brought to her attention. After the dust settled, they worked through their issues and are still married. You are the only one who has the right to decide what you would want to do with the relationship.

If you decide to continue and your partner wants this, there will definitely be a need to talk through issues, put boundaries in place and ensure mutual accountability. These will help you to move on. Moving on also means resisting the temptation of using the affair as a Guilt trip card after matters have been resolved. Some women have been known to keep anniversaries of the day they found out their partners cheated on them! Equally unhelpful is hating the affair partner and keeping a check on his/her social media platforms.

If you decide to leave the relationship after careful thought, remember to make it a clean break as much as possible. Unfortunately, sometimes this decision may be made by the guilty party and may bring further pain. Being dumped after being cheated on can be devastating.

There is not going to be any easy path. Leaving the relationship will involve a sense of loss and deciding to stay will also involve the hard work of rebuilding trust. In all of these, you should not get defined by the affair or allow your soul to be engorged with bitterness. Bitterness is never ever worth it and is a big hindrance to moving on. You know you have not moved on when you feel the need to always let your EX know how well you are doing with /without him/her. Moving on means allowing the healing process to occur, unrushed. Forget the need to portray a Perfect Picture couple by sweeping things under the carpet under the forgive and forget guise.

Rather than operating on a forgive and forget mode , it might be wiser to operate on a forgive and remember mode . Remember the lessons you have learned and give your heart the permission to trust and love again .

Yes you can give your heart the permission to trust and love again. Bitterness, guilt and suspicion all make the heart sick. Only a healthy heart can enjoy a healthy relationship, even after a confession.