Bibiana continues her story here. Read the post below which is the start.
….It wasn’t like there were no ‘toasters’ but none felt right. There was also to be a period of prayer before taking the plunge because I had established early on that I was not interested in playing field or trying my luck. It’s got to be marriage minus the extended courtship. God is amazing, He gave me a husband who believes in family and had had some experiences in his past which led him to believe the greatest thing a man can do is to jealously guard his family. Having anyone on the side to him is a betrayal he had experienced and as such has a personal passion for staying true to his wife.
I think it is a good idea to find out while you are courting what your partner feels about divorce, cheating, polygamy . Some men think it’s no big deal as long as I provide … boys being boys et al. One should also look at the family history – not looking for flaws but trying to assess prevailing attitudes and what is permissible. This is not to say things are 100% smooth sailing all the time after all the checks.
know of ladies in serious relationships who never introduce their friends to their boyfriends. Na so so gist they will be gisting you about everything. They are trying to avoid any ‘he ended up marrying my chief bridesmaid’ – honestly, I have known this to happen. On the other hand, I have heard of married women who go OTT (over the top) in keeping tabs on their husbands – what an exhausting existence!
As human beings while we live here on earth, we face challenges and temptations; there could be a human being with designs on one’s partner, could be porn, could be a meddling mother/family and the list can go on and one. This one thing I know, the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but are mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds.
Then it comes to making sure the” other woman” does not succeed, I can tell you that it is not about re-gaining your figure after childbirth, baffing up all the time, religiously using make up and looking ‘good’, cooking from sun up to sun down and cleaning your home etc, however helpful these may be. This matter is one I have learnt to hand over to God completely, by His grace I do my bit and he takes care of any potential other woman, cancelling, destroying her plans etc in the spirit even before any fruition of intent.
Pray for your husbands/boyfriends my sisters – you cannot hide them in a box but you can pray that God will go before them and keep them. Not just in the area of the other woman but that they will be sound in mind, body and everything. That He will listen to the correct voices and be full of the spirit of God and that God will keep your union which He himself ordained and that it will be a testament to His glory and a showcase of His design.
Prayeris a spiritual dimension and it also calls for some practical steps and my number one advice is do not underestimate the value of Accountability .
- –Talk to each other about even the insignificant things (e.g. ..Your friend called me today…). So you can ask him or yourself ‘I wonder why you were called and not me, it’s not like you are planning a surprise party for me or anything …’(I would never confront my friend. Most married friends would rather call their counterparts i.e. man calls the man sometimes even if the message is for the woman and women tend to call each other but some singles honestly don’t get it – which is OK. Just be open.
- – If any lady wants to visit my husband I should be around!! I actually don’t mind but my husband pointed out that a Christian couple we admire so much apply this principle (if you want to see the man as a lady and his wife is not free then it’s a no no and vice versa) and so we thought why not? If you are not in our inner caucus.
- – Realizethat though you are the reigning queen, your mother in law is the first lady. You cannot afford to be at logger heads. She did a good job with your husband and if he is alright, she cannot be that bad. You may not get it till you have dropped a boy, then you start thinking of how some girl will come and tell you what’s what after he has married her…. At least understand where she is coming from…
- – Trust a trust worthy husband.
- –Don’t ignore anything you consider inappropriate. Tell him, not the other party. Mother in law level, you can just hold it in most of the time, at an opportune time to tell him or confide in and pray with a trusted friend if you a lucky enough to have one you trust who will not take you to town (and tell God obviously… I would hate it if my son’s wife bad mouthed me to my son any how…). Timing is key.
I could go on and on but will stop there. Now for a fantastic cliché ‘A family that prays together stays together.It is God who can hold our family together, learn to commit it to him.
Fight the battle right& do it on your knees while remaining accountable.!