Today is International Women’s Day and I do wish every woman a great year ahead as we forge on with this year’s theme of Balance for Better. When Gracillis asked for my article, I decided to write on something most women would relate to.
Right from the time we are little girls, most girls play with dolls and practice home keeping. As we grow older, there is the societal pressure to get married, give birth to children and this can easily become ways some women define themselves. Society usually is kinder to the waiting mother to be than to the bride to be and as such, if there is any prayer most ladies pray, it is the one to get married and with this is an expectation of the first night after the wedding.
The wedding night is one night most women look forward to, especially if they are Christians. I was not left out. The hype among Christians about the wedding night is just something else especially if one is a virgin.,I had dreamt about the wedding night for years. I imagined severally what a glorious night it would be. Halleluyah. But as the countdown to my wedding came, I began to think that I should probably not do anything on that night, rather I chose to carry it over three nights. I think my hubby had other ideas though.
I met my hubby after many years of praying, fasting and so much more it eventually happened(a story for another day).On my 38th birthday, I got married. We had agreed or rather I told “B” we should sow that night and the next two days as a seed, yea yea I am a cheerful giver who just loves to sow into the kingdom. So the wedding night arrived (gonna make this a night to remember) and guess who showed up uninvited, the monthly visitor. Well, it did not cause so much upheaval and I was in a way grateful to God as nothing was planned for the first three days Our visitor actually stayed three days (it became our visitor the moment we said “I DO”). Eventually, the three days passed and the long wait ended on a Sunday.I just kept smiling to myself as I reminded myself the D-day had come. It was going to happen finally after all these years!
We had not gone for our honeymoon then*come to think of it, we never really went ) and as such, we went to our home church. When we arrived people were surprised to see us and someone actually asked “how was it?” and when we replied “!nothing yet”, he said, ”no wonder you guys are in church because you probably would still be behind closed doors”.
The Sunday service finally came to an end and I really doubt if I listened to what the preacher said as my thoughts were on the anticipated honey of the moon. Being a virgin I knew it would not be easy but seriously I was not expecting the kind of resistance I felt when my hubby eventually got down to business. It was more like trying to break down the walls of Jericho with a hammer and the pains were like KILODE( a Yoruba word meaning what is this? ),
What happened to those beautiful Mills and Boon stories of the first time? I was like okay the pain is expected but this is really painfull!!!.
But I was also determined as a good Christian not to give up, to keep trying until my breakthrough happens. This mountain must MOVE.I told “B” to keep trying, not to stop, nothing prepared me for the onslaught of nerve-wracking pain, and after a while, I felt a tickle and I thought finally I have conquered.Amen, Glory!
I went to the bathroom to wash up, but the more I washed the more blood rushed out, suddenly I told myself “something is not right here“Nothing I had read (believe me, I have read plenty) and all the womanly gist I had heard said anything about the bleeding not stopping. I told my hubby,” B, I think something is wrong”. He just replied, “you are too naive, you have just become a woman, you have been untouched for a trillion years, do you know the work I did in there?” I retorted back by telling him it was not the time to feel like a G(G a short form for Guru).
After about 30 minutes I freaked out and called one of my pastors in the church who is a nurse and she asked me to go to the hospital immediately. By this time, I completely went berserk. WHAT!!!!!! .And this is supposed to be my wedding night. All this took place at about 1 am in the morning. After another 30 minutes, we decided to go leave for a hospital.
There are three hospitals around us so we went to the closest one, the nurse was initially sympathetic and asked if I was having a miscarriage.I told her no and she asked; “so why are you bleeding?”. She then asked me to get on the examination table which I did promptly. She had a look and just said, ”please go somewhere else”.It was then I got scared as it is only serious cases that get rejected in a hospital. My mind kept having all manner of horrible thoughts like is it possible that I will bleed to death? What will my hubby “B” say killed me? I decided to start praising God at the top of my voice. If I have to die, let me go singing praises like one of the martyrs.
We got to the second hospital, it was more like a Genesis 1:1(the first verse in the Bible ) situation. There was a power cut with no electricity supply.and with no generator, it was total and complete darkness.W e quickly headed away and finally got to the third and farthest one, where the nurse was taking forever asking for my details. I snapped back and told her my husband would answer the questions and I needed to see the doctor immediately as I believed I was dying. Annoyingly, I still got asked the same question “if you are not having a miscarriage, why are you bleeding?
The doctor came eventually and was taking his precious time, and I kept wondering if I needed to faint or do something really drastic for him to know this was really a serious matter. After examining me, he pronounced and diagnosed “laceration of the vagina wall” and said I would need stitches. In shock, I replied “You got to be kidding me doc, I just got married. I have never had stitches in any part of my body hello, Why there?!!.”
Anyway, I got stitched and was singing praises throughout. After a while, the doctor was like, “madam please stop singing”. Something about my singing must have been making him uncomfortable but I wasn’t deterred. I then asked the nurse to call my hubby “B” to come and see his handiwork. It was later I got to realize that my hubby had been peeping through the door because the doctor had asked him to stay out.
Although I was singing out loud, I was also praying silently that the doctor knew what he was doing as he was a bit grouchy. Apparently, he had been woken up from his sleep in what he had probably reckoned would be a quiet and restful night by moi. After what seemed like forever, he announced it was all done and we were sent home with a follow-up appointment. I was quite shaken by the whole episode,” what exactly had gone wrong ?”\zasdfdwas a question I asked myself for days.
I went for my follow-up appointment and met this baby doctor on duty and after explaining why I had come, she just burst out in a stream of laughter. She apologised though as I sat unmoved, not getting the joke.
She then said, “a virgin at 38,what have you been doing?”
I proudly told her that I have been serving God with my spirit, soul and body. Some weeks later after I had healed, I went for a comprehensive examination and I was told that my pelvic bone was the culprit. It was practically fused together hence the gut-wrenching pain. Thank God I am so normal. For a moment I had thought something was very wrong with me because all I kept hearing was” it is not that painful so why was the pain so bad for you”. So they proffered a solution which was to keep on doing it with the reason that the pelvic bones are soft and on their own will shift by reason of contact and use. I was like HA!!!! WHAT!!!!! You mean I will keep enduring that pain, is there no injection or drugs to shift it? Soft bones ke? Bone is bone O!
The devil whispered horrible thoughts to me suggestive of regrets such as see your life now, if you have been doing it since by now you would have been having a blast with your hubby, the bones would have parted all these years but see what you got yourself into. My dear people, that was what it was I, Benny endured and carried my cross for like 10 weeks for the joy that was set before me. I bore it with gritted teeth.
I was also told by the doctors that I would most probably need to deliver my baby through C-section because the bones would probably not be wide enough for a baby to pass through but God made a way where there seemed to be no way. Three years later I had my daughter, Bomi through natural birth.
All these was an experience for me with several lessons. Sometimes something that starts out as bad could eventually turn good and so I should not allow myself to be dissuaded by the present circumstances The devil thought he could spoil my wedding night but what a joke. I had the last laugh. Am still laughing.
How has it been since then? Your guess is as good as mine.