Wicked Lovers

I did not mean to eavesdrop but the conversation was being said in such a way that I could not help but listen. Two of my bosses were discussing their current predicament. One was advising the other on what to do since he had had the experience before. They had both been struck by the “D” word.

“Make sure you move the money to your independent account . My ex transferred all the money to her account on the night she told me she wanted a divorce!”

I was wondering why that was the most important thing for a wife  to do on the night  of a divorce  announcement but of course, she would probably give her own justifiable reasons for such a behavior.

I have also seen other people treat their spouses or previous lovers in ways that could leave you dumbfounded. I just remembered another incident which actually got the person struck off the Dentists Register. You see, this dentist Ex came to him for a procedure. I am sure she had faith in his professional capabilities. This lady was to have some work done in her mouth under anesthesia (not being totally knocked off). While this lady was in that state, the dentist (her ex-lover) took advantage of her and removed all her teeth. When he was confronted, he advised he couldn’t resist the temptation to do her harm.

I also know another person whose Ex remained in their matrimonial home after the divorce (she moved out as there was an initial separation). When it was clear the marriage was over, her Ex refused to pay the mortgage and also refused to sign so her name could be taken off the house. He lived in the house, ran the council tax bills and made it practically impossible for people to view the house comfortably whenever he was around, insisting no viewing should be done in his absence and after running a whole load of debt, when he was about to leave the house, he shattered the sliding glass door, all in a bid to ?frustrate her and we can go on again and again. What of those Exes that arrange for their previous girlfriends to be raped and the list goes on?

Unfortunately, at the time these people declared their love, their lovers could have sworn that the love was genuine. But what makes a person’s love do 360 degrees change in behavior to their previous heartthrob? Clearly, I have not been able to fully understand.

But someone may argue that the behaviors of these lovers were because the love has gone sour but I refuse to believe that and beg to defer. I know someone whom long after his marriage ended, when his former mother-in-law died, paid the  airfare(international trip) for his Ex to attend her mother’s burial and this is not to say his Ex was nice!

If we become wicked and nasty to someone just because love has gone sour, the reality of the matter is that we probably have been wicked and nasty and under pressure, what we had inside has just been squeezed out. If one is truly nice, love going sour shouldn’t cause a change to wicked!

In most cases I have been involved in, these tendencies were already present to a certain degree. Their partners saw them act horribly to others and refused to call them out while being under the illusion that they would be treated differently. My advice would be that if you did not really notice that your partner is a wicked person and then begin to notice it in the relationship, do not turn a blind eye at it. Make out the time to discuss this and advise accordingly. Relationships are meant to help us become better and not remain where we are.

If your relationship is not making you and your partner   better people, then it is important to review. Take the time to do some analysis as well as talk to each other to know what might need changing. Of course, this means being vulnerable but that is what relationships are for. Healthy relationships are a place where we feel safe enough to be able to share our struggles, weaknesses and strengths. Sharing though should not be the goal as we sometimes we might want to see it as an end to a means. We should take sharing further by incorporating steps to get to where we want to get to.

I wonder if the ultimate of wicked lovers are those who end up killing an Ex or those who slowly but surely abuse their partners until they lose themselves and are only existing while they are alive. While understanding that a wicked lover does not just spontaneously mutate, it is important for us to be extremely conscious and selective about who we choose to pair with, ensuring we avoid wicked people at all cost!