By Gracilis,  Relationship skills

Saying it right

September is here and it is another month which means we have a new theme here at  Dishusbandmata.The year is gradually coming to an end and being alive in itself is one miracle we can all be grateful for.Recently I have noticed an increase  in the number of  videos  where  a  public marriage proposals are made.  Unfortunately, most of these recorded proposals received a negative answer.Some people might argue that these are all done  for clout and although the reasons may vary, it is interesting to see people these days reject a marriage proposal especially knowing fully well that they are being filmed.

And then the question goes on to why the proposal  was made in public especially f the supposed partner was not sure the answer would be positive. I think some of the problems actually occur because the two parties involved are not on the same page and on person is not aware of that important fact.

If you ask some ladies, they would prefer to have a private proposal without any fanfare and that may influence their answer. For some others, it might just be that there are still somethings they would like to clarify before going ahead and proposing in public actually denies them of that opportunity and since the matter at stake is important, they would rather be safe than sorry, hence their answer is No.

But I think there is a crucial when people are in a relationship to understand their partners . If the person yu are dating is not someone who likes  PDA Public Display of affection  and then proposals should be done accordingly. However I also know of a lady who even after her boyfriend had proposed privately, she insisted that he still  did the on one kneel in front of everyone in a restaurant. There are a variety of ways I have heard proposals done. There is no really one way of doing it as long as it works for both parties, the only trouble is when it does not.

I still remember those days before the era of the teachings of  Pastor Bimbo Odukoya of blessed memory where it just seemed that the teaching prevalent on marriage was on finding the will of God. This will of God was something that was received usually by the brother and most times, no other thing was taken into consideration apart from receiving and finding the will.The more spectacular and unusual the revelation, the more spirituality was accorded to the recipient with the greater likelihood of a positive answer.The brothers seemed to  always receive the revelation and the sisters had to wait  for the will to be revealed.But I am not sure how many people really waited or actually helped the will to be received by going the extra mile and helping the brothers with bowls of soups&food (popularly called the “Cooler ministry”).I am actually convinced that the epidemic hit my university the most!,Did it happen in your university also?,While some of these relationships started well based on the “will”, many ended in a nose dive as so many other factors were not taken into cognizance. I must admit that those days the near impossibility and stigma of divorce may have played a role in the survival of the marriages that  went on to be  contracted.

From what I remember, people found the “will” and married or moved on to another will by revelation so I was very surprised when I heard two stories from two different Pastor friends.The first was of a brother “A” who received a sister ” P”while they were in Bible College about 30 years ago,he approached her and did not get a favourable answer.He however was so convinced that she was the one perfect will and never married anyone else. This sister “P” went on to marry and has had all her children in a loving home. By the time he met this Pastor friend of mine, it was almost twenty five years and his Alumni was planning a twenty five year Class Reunion.During the place of counselling,  this brother “A” still expressed his desire  of the possibility of the  availability of sister “P” believing that if anything had happened to her marriage, then he could get ahead and propose to the perfect will of God.. However my Pastor friend tried to reason with him and they reached a compromise that if he meets sister”P” in the Reunion and she is still happily married and yet unavailable,he would have to  move on.Did I hear you say fast.

Well he reluctantly agreed to this and went to the Reunion and your guess is as good as mine,the sister is still happily married, He kept his word and has now married another sister “A”(A being alternative) however with the condition that whenever the former sister “P”who is the original will becomes available,then the marriage to sister “A” will be automatically  over so he could go ahead and marry the perfect will.( I am not sure how brotherly this thought is as it seems to me  sister “P” is secretly being  wished  a divorce or widowhood).And yes the other sister “A” agreed to thee condition and they are both married now. Selah!

I thought that was bad enough until  another Pastor friend quite recently told the story of  yet another brother  “B”who also received a sister “C” several years ago.This sister “C” of course did not play allegiance to his revelation and has moved on and married someone else.However brother “B” is still waiting and when brethren  tried to talk to him about the folly of a never ending wait, his  reply was  “the strength of Israel cannot lie”.The issue is he may be sincere, but oblivious to the fact that he s sincerely wrong or could it just be put down to pride,ignorance from incomplete  /one sided teaching or  maybe downright stubbornness. But for whatever reason,how far should we go with  revelations and how dependent should we be on them?

We would love to hear what you think and what part revelations and  public display of affections  played in your relationships,yes the gains and the pains.

Watch this space,

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