• Attitude,  Relationship skills

    Choose wisely

    Whenever we get to the last month of the year, there are two temptations  that normally take place and I must confess that I sometimes fall into them . There is this temptation to complain about the things we think we should have happened or had   and then see it as an excuse to whine. This usually is the default position for most people and then there is the temptation to take the things we have and have received for granted. Both of these usually lead us to a point where we fail to truly see the value of all we have received and enjoyed, sometimes without even having to…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Family

    She hurts , we hurt

    How could he have done that?  Are you sure she was killed?  So you mean we will not hear that voice again?  What was the church doing?  How could she have been so much in the public eye and all that was going on in her home and no one knew?  She confided in us but swore us to secrecy.  And the comments and questions went on. Even interviewing the children and siblings of the deceased brought out details I would not like to recall . I was appalled when I found out that this gospel singer died from injuries inflicted by her spouse and it seemed the whole country…

  • Kid smiling to camera
    Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Love

    Celebrating Manhood

    This week we will be celebrating the International Men’s Day and on our sister group, we had an Instagram Live talk discussing ” Celebrating Manhood”. Interestingly the guest was also unaware that there was a day for men known as the International Men’s Day .And he is not alone Iit is quite interesting the responses I got trying to remind people  in various WhatsApp groups I belong to. While I got some positive response from the women folk this year, re-echoing and advising that we should honour the men, some of the men folk voiced out their suspicion as to the agenda behind the International Men’s day . It was…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Love

    Lying Love

    I meet several people and have the privilege of listening to their stories. Sometimes my heart is so broken as I hear the pain in their voice as they recount details of a relationship where they taught love was a common factor. It baffles me sometimes when I wonder if we  actually remember those vows we made , if we meant to keep them or we  were just lying through our  teeth as we stood making vows we   did not intend to keep.Sometimes it is the pain of wondering if the love we experienced or claimed to give or receive  was a lie. I remember  listening  in on the conversation…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Relationship skills

    As you like it

    This month is the month where we celebrate the International  Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and decided we would give this month to talking about abuse and healthy relationships. Relationships can either mar or make us and the more intimate the relationship, the higher the stakes. But one of the problems of relationships is that we all come with what we want , may know exactly how we want it and then fall into the delusion that our significant other or friends  will also know and that usually causes trouble.  I will recount an incident that happened sometime ago to illustrate this . So I usually give…

  • girls walking in garden

    True friends

    There are friends who pretend to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Prov 18:24 RSV I remember reading this verse in my big Revised Standard Version Bible as a teenager while in boarding school.  I have enjoyed the benefits of having good friends for a really long time so I’ll try and share some stories and home truths with you.   I have to say that when love starts to blossom and grow in your head and heart, having good friends will be a great support.  Two experiences stand out in my mind.  The first happened when I was 16.  I had my…

  • Marriage,  Relationship skills,  Single Life

    Journey to the altar

    Diary Excerpt 1:  It really isn’t that easy, although everybody says it is.  This is getting too tricky for my liking.  Nothing could have prepared me for this but the pressure is serious.  Big sis always says don’t make your husband despise your family and don’t make your family despise your husband.  Really tricky!! I assumed that since dad is clergy and a really good marriage counsellor, my case should be pretty straight forward.  I forgot this would be new territory to him and his reactions are so foreign to me.  I don’t know this guy, cos this ain’t my Daddy! Diary Excerpt 2:  I haven’t written in a long while because a part of me doesn’t want…

  • Relationship skills

    keeping at it

    We indeed learn a lot from our children and Unyeme shows from this lesson the need to keep at it,consistently working on our relationships.Enjoy….. I walked past my son’s room and almost stopped breathing. It was SCATTERED 🤦🤦🤦. Being a true African mother 😁, I started talking (shouting). He stood up and started tiding it. I jejely left him. Something brought me back. It was in the same state minus the clothes he removed from the chair when I was shouting. I asked him “so you just left stopped cleaning immediately I left? “”. Yes, you guessed it, he started laughing. Today’s reflection is simple as usual. Aren’t we all…

  • By Gracilis,  Pregnancy,  sex,  Single Life

    Pregnancy -induced marriages

     Not all marriages begin with “Will you marry me ?”. Some of them begin with “I don carry belle” (“I don carry belle” means I have an unplanned pregnancy)-Facebook Post by Godwin Tom-Lawyer (things that make you say chai )   Sometime ago, my elder brother (Godwin) put up the above post on Facebook (seriously almost all his posts are interesting and when I read it, it initially brought laughter. However, after the laughter, I thought about all the people that I have seen in the latter predicament who sadly had taken that path to save face immediately but actually had found themselves in terrible conditions later on in the long run. While we…

  • Family,  Marriage

    One home,two houses

    Living apart ….. this is something I never imagined in my wildest dream that I will have to deal with but one thing I have learnt about being married is to be open to change and make the best of every situation no matter how bad it seems.   I was believing God for a job and actually wrote down all I wanted in the new job. I kept praying and believing God. I got a call from a friend in the UK asking me if I was interested in a job in an organization here in Nigeria. I went for the interview and it went well. It was also…

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