• By Gracilis,  Family,  Relationship skills

    Daddy versus Husband

    “Na oversabi wife dey call her husband  daddy” I remember the first time I heard that phrase used. I was actually puzzled about it because I knew many wives that called their husbands daddy. Some have done it out of courtesy as children have been born and children being children usually pick up the names they hear us call another and in an African setting or even majority of cultures, it would be disrespectful for a child to refer to his/her parents by their first name at some point in their lives , so some women have virtually had to use the name daddy for their husbands because of the children…

  • Relationship skills,  Single Life

    Home or Zoo

    In the course of waiting on the Lord, a lot of things happened that made me wonder why people, including Christians act or say the things they do. Being a matured single doesn’t make you any different from the seemingly young single girl out there. Sadly people think the pressure of age is enough reason for a matured single lady to target another woman’s husband   or for crazy unsolicited  advice to be offered by so called well-meaning people all in the bid to get her married.   Some 13 years ago, some of us in  my church were looking to invest in Agriculture so we were going to look at some…

  • Introspection,  Marriage

    “I am your husband”

    What a comment! I smile thinking about the few guys who introduced themselves to me in this way during my single days. It was enough for me to walk away laughing.  However, this little statement has had a different effect on me since I said ‘I DO’.Marriage is good – it really is, and I’ll defend and support getting married to the right person any day and anytime. However, God in His infinite wisdom has decided that we would not come to each other as perfect beings, but work together to achieve perfection in Him. The process is not a joke. Three weeks after I got married my husband demanded…

  • Betrayal,  By Gracilis,  Love

    Un-break my heart

    Some years ago when I lived in Hull, some friends came visiting and after sometime we started singing or perhaps. I started the song. The lyrics were a bit wrapped as myself and one of the visitors friend sang the popular Tony Braxton’s  song as “Come break my heart “.   Un-break my heart Say you’ll love me again Undo this hurt you caused When you walked out the door And walked out of my life Un-cry these tears I cried so many nights Un-break my heart My heart Luckily the second friend who was present corrected us and we were informed it was Unbreak my heart . We shared…

  • Family,  Grief,  Pregnancy

    Two lines, then one line

    Talking about loss can be quite heavy on the tongue.  I don’t think anyone finds it particularly easy; whether it’s a Doctor delivering bad news, or a policewoman sent to tell the family, or a phone call from abroad, there is no convenient time to hear about a loved one dying.  Here’s a story telling of a unique kind of loss, one we try not to focus on a lot – mainly because it is a private matter – even though it hurts like any other. Two lines. That’s how we met.  I was sort of expecting to meet you, but you came a little earlier than planned.  I remember…

  • By Gracilis,  Love,  Relationship skills

    When Saying Goodbye

    O girl, I’m sorry Your;re not my kind of girl … O girl, I’m sorry You’re  not my kind of girl … You’re Not My Kind of Girl  New Edition I am not sure if you remember the chorus of  this hit  “You are Not my kind of girl”  by New Edition  but it was one of those songs that was so good to dance to but not be told. When it comes to the matter of love, no one likes to be rebuffed. And love songs in general are one of the most sang songs because many people can relate. Whether it is about new love, lost love ,…

  • Love,  Romance,  Single Life

    Knowing the “One”

    The Valentine season is a few months gone and for some people, it marked the beginning of a new relationship while for some others, it probably identified cracks in a relationship they thought was developing. The unmistakable silence pre and post Valentine period has only gone on to prove that they have once again been unlucky in the game of love.No matter how many heartbreaks we sometimes go through, we still all hope that we will find true love and with every other relationship, the expectations of our heart spar as we wonder if we have come to the end of the search. There comes a time in the life…

  • Family,  Parenting,  Relationship skills

    First Class Love

    I will be the first to confess that it was only until I entered high school that the matter of step-parenting became real in my world. Prior to that, all I knew about step -parents was from the story books I read, with Cinderella story being my most vivid experience. My vocabulary was also limited to step-mothers as these books portrayed and was well tainted to the fact that they were all wicked. I was therefore surprised to learn differently  when I entered the boarding school and made friends with people from different  religious  and ethnic backgrounds. I listened with rapt attention and confusion sometimes as I heard people say…

  • Family,  Parenting,  Relationship skills

    Stepping Up means Stepping Down

    It was a sunny afternoon, the kind when the nearest Fan-milk bicycle man is your friend. I had walked the long distance from our house to the gate near the road, busy seeking one such lifesaving men when I heard the shouts and the noise coming from inside the house. “Leave me alone. I want to go away from this house!” She screamed. “You can go”, her mother replied. I abandoned the dream of my ice cream on a Sunny afternoon and ran back to the house to see what was happening. Through the air vent, I peeped into the house…very reluctant to swap the sunny heat for the flaming…

  • Chronicles of Corona Virus,  Resolutions/Change

    A Pandemic Watershed

    It is exactly a year ago when the Prime minister uttered those unforgettable words, ‘You must stay at home.’  Little did I know that that instruction was going to signal a cascade of events that would make our lives simply unrecognisable. As a family we pondered over what Lock down was going to look like for us. My wife, Nneka, was up in arms against the idea of staying at home. Going to work was an escape for her, and I don’t mean it in a bad way. We all need our ‘me time’ and she found hers on her daily train commute to and from work. Our high school…

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