• Family,  Resolutions/Change

    Early Potholes

    I love my husband. Love was not at first sight but it came and it is here to stay.  However the process of oneness is not as simple as ‘…I now pronounce you man and wife…’  I’d like to share one of the first issues I faced in my marriage.I expected a few storms and I tried to imagine various scenarios that could arise but nothing prepared me for this particular issue.   Being the only daughter in a large household, I had always enjoyed the privilege of having my own room, with my own furniture. As a student, I bought a house and enjoyed a very large bedroom with…

  • By Gracilis,  Relationship skills

    Saying it right

    September is here and it is another month which means we have a new theme here at  Dishusbandmata.The year is gradually coming to an end and being alive in itself is one miracle we can all be grateful for.Recently I have noticed an increase  in the number of  videos  where  a  public marriage proposals are made.  Unfortunately, most of these recorded proposals received a negative answer.Some people might argue that these are all done  for clout and although the reasons may vary, it is interesting to see people these days reject a marriage proposal especially knowing fully well that they are being filmed. And then the question goes on to…

  • By Gracilis,  Relationship skills

    Broken eggs

    When I attended primary school,the pattern of after school lessons was different. Children were not kept in school continuously in order to attend extra classes. Most schools closed at 1 pm and for those who wanted  after school lessons for their wards, they had to employ the services of extra mural organizations. I was enrolled for extra mural lessons by my parents and these lessons were held closer to my home. Looking back now,I appreciate those lessons as the students came from different schools. This  meant meeting a different set of brains which afforded a different kind of competition. It also broke the monotony of still being with your normal…

  • Relationship skills

    What goes around…

    It’s a blessing to work in an environment where you feel motivated and inspired; and while Dishusbandmata is yet to hire ‘staff’ per say, working with our Editor-in-chief is a truly exhilarating process. She would usually have a very creative list of topics for the year, with each month having its own theme. Most times, I would see the topic and immediately search my brain’s archives for a script in which I have a minor role, thinking “which one has my husband done?”.  However, for the month of August, I am the star of the show. I saw “My mouth diarrhoea” on our list of topics, and I knew I…

  • By Gracilis,  Relationship skills

    Chinese Whispers

    So recently on my secondary school alumni  Whatsapp group, someone posted a picture caption that said since people started wearing facemasks, the rate of gossip among women have reduced by 90%. I am not sure if he knew (of course, it was a guy who posted it) that this was our topic of discussion this month but I replied ,saying  the rate of discussion among men has reduced by 95%. That brought another guy to the defense saying that at least , it is discussions men have . Well this was falling into my bait and intent to which I replied  – men’s discussion = gossip . I knew that…

  • Attitude,  Family,  In-Laws

    Loving the two women

    I have followed dishusbandmata for some years now, and having read several topics and issues discussed, I thought it would be okay to do some articles by way of commenting on some topics that have been of interest to me from a husband’s perspective. Naturally, I wouldn’t be expected to tell long and flowery stories whilst making my views known, rather, I will go straight to the point and hit the hammer on the nail straight away. That’s because I am a man, and men go straight to the point. Maybe one of those things that makes “husbandmata” an issue for  most wifeys. I will try to give a (man’s)…

  • Love,  Relationship skills

    Exes & their drama

      I was at a shopping mall with my wife. After picking some items, we moved to the checkout queue to pay for them. There, on the queue, a lady directly ahead of us turned around. Our eyes locked. I froze. It was my ex. Immediately, her expression changed. It became less than friendly. In the very awkward moment, I was somehow able to mumble a “hello”. I anticipated a similar response from her. I was disappointed. Instead, she took a brief condescending look at me, and then at my wife. After which, she turned around and moved forward on the queue to replace the person in front of her.…

  • By Gracilis,  Love,  Romance

    The “eX” factor

    Being in love is one of the greatest things that can happen to anyone and it can either bring out the best or the worst in us. Well we do not usually see the latter unless sometimes the whole love thing goes the wrong way. And there are several reasons why love could go the wrong way and all the declarations of love turn sour. The recent pandemic with the forced Lockdown has been cited as one of the causes for some breakups recently and no matter how much both parties will agree to the necessity of a breakup, one person is bound to be hit more emotionally and the…

  • Family,  In-Laws

    The “In-Law” politics

    Someone once said that the best advice she got given during all her pre-marital counselling was “Remember, your mother -in-law is NOT your mother”. I totally agree with that statement but would love to also add, so are your brothers-in-law and your sisters-in-law. Well maybe because these latter group of people are not usually known to cause trouble in the majority of in-law conflicts but I must say that understanding generally that our in-laws are our in-laws and that they have their own family peculiarities can help us keep our expectations realistic while playing the necessary politics that is required to navigate the waters of dealing with them seamlessly. The…

  • Family,  In-Laws,  Relationship skills

    My In-Law Wish

    Several years ago, a cousin disclosed to me how she secretly wished for whomever she would eventually get married to, not to have a mother. According to her, she was not cut out to handle any in-law shenanigans. This revelation sent shivers down my spine. Now, why would anyone wish for such a reprehensible thing? It also got me wondering: would the woman I eventually decide to settle down with also harbour a similar wish? Well, I understood where my cousin was coming from. I know her background. Her mother’s experience with her in-laws was unenviable. Now, fast-forward to a few years down the line.  My cousin met this guy.…

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