• Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Family

    She hurts , we hurt

    How could he have done that?  Are you sure she was killed?  So you mean we will not hear that voice again?  What was the church doing?  How could she have been so much in the public eye and all that was going on in her home and no one knew?  She confided in us but swore us to secrecy.  And the comments and questions went on. Even interviewing the children and siblings of the deceased brought out details I would not like to recall . I was appalled when I found out that this gospel singer died from injuries inflicted by her spouse and it seemed the whole country…

  • Kid smiling to camera
    Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Love

    Celebrating Manhood

    This week we will be celebrating the International Men’s Day and on our sister group, we had an Instagram Live talk discussing ” Celebrating Manhood”. Interestingly the guest was also unaware that there was a day for men known as the International Men’s Day .And he is not alone Iit is quite interesting the responses I got trying to remind people  in various WhatsApp groups I belong to. While I got some positive response from the women folk this year, re-echoing and advising that we should honour the men, some of the men folk voiced out their suspicion as to the agenda behind the International Men’s day . It was…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Love

    Lying Love

    I meet several people and have the privilege of listening to their stories. Sometimes my heart is so broken as I hear the pain in their voice as they recount details of a relationship where they taught love was a common factor. It baffles me sometimes when I wonder if we  actually remember those vows we made , if we meant to keep them or we  were just lying through our  teeth as we stood making vows we   did not intend to keep.Sometimes it is the pain of wondering if the love we experienced or claimed to give or receive  was a lie. I remember  listening  in on the conversation…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Relationship skills

    As you like it

    This month is the month where we celebrate the International  Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and decided we would give this month to talking about abuse and healthy relationships. Relationships can either mar or make us and the more intimate the relationship, the higher the stakes. But one of the problems of relationships is that we all come with what we want , may know exactly how we want it and then fall into the delusion that our significant other or friends  will also know and that usually causes trouble.  I will recount an incident that happened sometime ago to illustrate this . So I usually give…

  • Abuse,  Family,  Marriage

    Men say “No”

    Growing up, the first school I attended at age 4 to 5 years old was quite a distance from my parents’ house, so one had to walk to school. The world then was much safer, and although I’m old enough to recall a wave of the gbomo-gbomo (kidnapping of children) phenomenon in the late 1970s, I also realise that these days, even for adults, going out has almost become an extreme sport, thus being able to leave your house and return without incident is cause for celebration.In the course of those walks, one got a front seat to witness certain aspects of life, which would have been unseen or unheard…

  • Abuse,  Attitude,  Family

    It Could Be You…

      It was a game of ‘Mummy and Daddy’ gone too far. He had yelled at her, just like Daddy yelled at Mummy, so she carried her baby sister and attempted to breastfeed her like Mummy.  It tickled a little, but she liked it. “Baby suck now”, said ten-year-old Maria; and that was when Mummy caught them. “What are you doing to my Child! What are you doing!! Don’t you know this is CHILD ABUSE!!!”  Maria was horrified. She didn’t want to hurt anyone.  They were just playing, but Mummy called her a child abuser… Mummy grabbed the baby from Maria and walked away.  She was in shock at what…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Family,  Love

    When Love is a Lie

    She could never forget the first day it happened. As the drop of liquid landed on her body, her confusion about its source as well as its willingness to find its way on her arm puzzled her .Had  the tension  in the house gotten so bad that it blew the roof , temporarily ?Was it possible that it was raining in her house? How could it be one isolated drop?. She looked at her husband in utter disbelief and the gleam in his eyes was unmistakable. At the corner of his mouth was a sickening smile that had begun to form, he was glaring at her with a fake look…

  • Abuse,  Family

    Not all dreams should come true

    I still remember all the dreams that I had several years before I got married. I envisaged a happy home with a beautiful wife and children around my table like the Bible promised and when the time was ripe, I pursued the girl I felt that I loved.I did it with as much gusto as any man would. You know all the things we men normally do during the chase, all but to no avail. I added prayer, fasting and even began to sow seeds to have this woman and just when I began to conclude that she may never be mine, a stroke of luck came, I was able…

  • Abuse,  Racism & Rape,  sex

    Sexual assault & Consent

    Today delivers a heavy topic but a particularly important one. It goes without saying (but must be very clearly stated) that sexual assault is only ever caused by one person, the perpetrator. FULLSTOP!!! I believe that sex is a beautiful gift that was meant to be enjoyed by a man and woman who are united in holy matrimony and have consented to the act at that particular point in time. Obviously, sex takes place in other settings as well and it is important to acknowledge that. Like every good thing in this world, people misuse this gift in sadistic, disgusting ways. I wonder how God must feel when he sees…

  • Abuse,  Love,  Parenting

    Left Alone

    It started with her father, of course, when he decided he could love her from afar. He was there physically but never present, he just wouldn’t or couldn’t connect with her. She saw how other fathers were and couldn’t quite understand why hers was different. The same, of course, was received from her mother. Every time it happened, she laid her protective bricks. It happened so often from “friends” and “family” that she had her fortress up in no time. She was left alone in her fortress, able to hurt privately. They tell her she’s cold, unfeeling and hard to approach.  But she doesn’t get why they can’t see that…

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