• Abuse,  Family,  Marriage

    Men say “No”

    Growing up, the first school I attended at age 4 to 5 years old was quite a distance from my parents’ house, so one had to walk to school. The world then was much safer, and although I’m old enough to recall a wave of the gbomo-gbomo (kidnapping of children) phenomenon in the late 1970s, I also realise that these days, even for adults, going out has almost become an extreme sport, thus being able to leave your house and return without incident is cause for celebration.In the course of those walks, one got a front seat to witness certain aspects of life, which would have been unseen or unheard…

  • Abuse,  Attitude,  Family

    It Could Be You…

      It was a game of ‘Mummy and Daddy’ gone too far. He had yelled at her, just like Daddy yelled at Mummy, so she carried her baby sister and attempted to breastfeed her like Mummy.  It tickled a little, but she liked it. “Baby suck now”, said ten-year-old Maria; and that was when Mummy caught them. “What are you doing to my Child! What are you doing!! Don’t you know this is CHILD ABUSE!!!”  Maria was horrified. She didn’t want to hurt anyone.  They were just playing, but Mummy called her a child abuser… Mummy grabbed the baby from Maria and walked away.  She was in shock at what…

  • Abuse,  Attitude,  Family

    Let the boys be

    Today is the International Men’s Day and it is quite interesting the responses I got trying to remind people yesterday  in various WhatsApp groups I belong to. While I got some positive response from the women folk this year, re-echoing and advising that we should honour the men, some of the men folk voiced out their suspicion as to the agenda behind the International Men’s day . It was more like what exactly do you women want this time, organizing a day for us  Unfortunately again(this happened last year during the International Men’s day week ) ,this week I have been sent 2 different clips of men who killed their…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Family,  Love

    When Love is a Lie

    She could never forget the first day it happened. As the drop of liquid landed on her body, her confusion about its source as well as its willingness to find its way on her arm puzzled her .Had  the tension  in the house gotten so bad that it blew the roof , temporarily ?Was it possible that it was raining in her house? How could it be one isolated drop?. She looked at her husband in utter disbelief and the gleam in his eyes was unmistakable. At the corner of his mouth was a sickening smile that had begun to form, he was glaring at her with a fake look…

  • Abuse,  Family

    Not all dreams should come true

    I still remember all the dreams that I had several years before I got married. I envisaged a happy home with a beautiful wife and children around my table like the Bible promised and when the time was ripe, I pursued the girl I felt that I loved.I did it with as much gusto as any man would. You know all the things we men normally do during the chase, all but to no avail. I added prayer, fasting and even began to sow seeds to have this woman and just when I began to conclude that she may never be mine, a stroke of luck came, I was able…

  • Abuse,  Racism & Rape,  sex

    Sexual assault & Consent

    Today delivers a heavy topic but a particularly important one. It goes without saying (but must be very clearly stated) that sexual assault is only ever caused by one person, the perpetrator. FULLSTOP!!! I believe that sex is a beautiful gift that was meant to be enjoyed by a man and woman who are united in holy matrimony and have consented to the act at that particular point in time. Obviously, sex takes place in other settings as well and it is important to acknowledge that. Like every good thing in this world, people misuse this gift in sadistic, disgusting ways. I wonder how God must feel when he sees…

  • Abuse,  Love,  Parenting

    Left Alone

    It started with her father, of course, when he decided he could love her from afar. He was there physically but never present, he just wouldn’t or couldn’t connect with her. She saw how other fathers were and couldn’t quite understand why hers was different. The same, of course, was received from her mother. Every time it happened, she laid her protective bricks. It happened so often from “friends” and “family” that she had her fortress up in no time. She was left alone in her fortress, able to hurt privately. They tell her she’s cold, unfeeling and hard to approach.  But she doesn’t get why they can’t see that…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Single Life

    No means No

    This week, we celebrated the International Day for Elimination of Violence against Women and I tried to do a recording for it. After several attempts, I decided to just use one .I had in my mind’s eye how I wanted the video to be and pointed out to my friend who was  doing recording that I was still blinking severally rather than looking straight into the camera with unabated eyes. I confess that  I even  compared myself to someone else that we both knew and admired . My friend lovingly pointed out to me that my basis for comparison was skewed as this particular person  primarily  studied Mass Communication and…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Family

    Sleeping with the enemy

    Yesterday was International Men’s day and unfortunately while we were celebrating the men, one man in my home country shot his wife and killed himself. His wife was rushed to the hospital and thankfully at this point, we have not heard she has gone to the great beyond. Sometimes I wonder what would make a man kill his wife? And because sometimes it is the other way, why would someone kill their partner? A close friend once recounted the story of a Pastor who died at the hands of his wife following severe burns. She poured fuel on him and set him ablaze in the house .What was even more…

  • Abuse,  Family

    Esteem me

    People assume we have time for all sorts in this current situation of ‘lockdown’!  With the number of Teams Meetings and Zoom Parties, you would think that everyone was jobless and desperate for attention; but one thing we certainly have time to do is ‘think’. From reflecting on the past to preparing for the future, there is a lot of thinking going on in these times, well at least I am doing a lot more thinking than usual.  I have good days and not so good days, as the pressure of being forced to stay indoors for my own protection is getting to me a little.  I am home with…

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