• Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Family

    She hurts , we hurt

    How could he have done that?  Are you sure she was killed?  So you mean we will not hear that voice again?  What was the church doing?  How could she have been so much in the public eye and all that was going on in her home and no one knew?  She confided in us but swore us to secrecy.  And the comments and questions went on. Even interviewing the children and siblings of the deceased brought out details I would not like to recall . I was appalled when I found out that this gospel singer died from injuries inflicted by her spouse and it seemed the whole country…

  • Kid smiling to camera
    Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Love

    Celebrating Manhood

    This week we will be celebrating the International Men’s Day and on our sister group, we had an Instagram Live talk discussing ” Celebrating Manhood”. Interestingly the guest was also unaware that there was a day for men known as the International Men’s Day .And he is not alone Iit is quite interesting the responses I got trying to remind people  in various WhatsApp groups I belong to. While I got some positive response from the women folk this year, re-echoing and advising that we should honour the men, some of the men folk voiced out their suspicion as to the agenda behind the International Men’s day . It was…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Love

    Lying Love

    I meet several people and have the privilege of listening to their stories. Sometimes my heart is so broken as I hear the pain in their voice as they recount details of a relationship where they taught love was a common factor. It baffles me sometimes when I wonder if we  actually remember those vows we made , if we meant to keep them or we  were just lying through our  teeth as we stood making vows we   did not intend to keep.Sometimes it is the pain of wondering if the love we experienced or claimed to give or receive  was a lie. I remember  listening  in on the conversation…

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Relationship skills

    As you like it

    This month is the month where we celebrate the International  Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and decided we would give this month to talking about abuse and healthy relationships. Relationships can either mar or make us and the more intimate the relationship, the higher the stakes. But one of the problems of relationships is that we all come with what we want , may know exactly how we want it and then fall into the delusion that our significant other or friends  will also know and that usually causes trouble.  I will recount an incident that happened sometime ago to illustrate this . So I usually give…

  • By Gracilis,  Pregnancy,  sex,  Single Life

    Pregnancy -induced marriages

     Not all marriages begin with “Will you marry me ?”. Some of them begin with “I don carry belle” (“I don carry belle” means I have an unplanned pregnancy)-Facebook Post by Godwin Tom-Lawyer (things that make you say chai )   Sometime ago, my elder brother (Godwin) put up the above post on Facebook (seriously almost all his posts are interesting and when I read it, it initially brought laughter. However, after the laughter, I thought about all the people that I have seen in the latter predicament who sadly had taken that path to save face immediately but actually had found themselves in terrible conditions later on in the long run. While we…

  • By Gracilis,  Church,  Relationship skills

    Church Drama 2

    So today I was wondering which of the stories I should recount I think the best way is to continue chronologically so here we go Growing up in a local assembly church meant growing up in a church family where everyone knew your family.it also meant you knew other people and church family was really part of our lives then .What could be dangerous sometimes is befriending some people who happened to know everyone with their secrets. I remember going to church for all night prayers at about 9pm and having to sleep on the benches (before we bought white plastic chairs) as we waited for 12 midnight to start…

  • Attitude,  By Gracilis,  Church

    Church Drama

    I looked at the topic for this month and thought o my word, I could write a tribology on this. To be honest, I have been in church all my life, I have grown up in church, in short, I was born in church. I was born in the church maternity right on the church premises, with a lot of prayers. Every time the church doors opened, I was there and I helped to close the doors on some occasions. And as the years have passed, I have seen drama upon drama. But it is just typical because the church is made up of people like you and me. Imperfect…

  • Attitude,  By Gracilis,  Friendship

    Frenemies 2

    After last week’s article on Frenemies, I got feedback from people that showed that it was something that resonated with them . As I thought about the sequalae, and what next to write, I suddenly remembered what a friend once told me about her dad. We were talking about something and the name of a government official came up. This man was among the first five men ruling the country at that time. She shocked me when she said   “that man was my dad’s friend. He used to visit our house”. I was really surprised that they knew such an influential person in the corridors of power and before I…

  • Attitude,  By Gracilis,  Friendship

    Frenemies

    When I was eight  years old,  a friend whom I met in the after school lessons gave me a card. It was titled “Why God made friends” and although I don’t remember all the words of the card. I remember this  part “God made friends because he knew mothers could not be everywhere“.  And although it has been  over three decades, I look back and see that most of my philosophy of friendship has always had a mother’s perspective. I also learnt how to be a friend by observing how my mum related with her friends, both  in their presence and absence. If my mother is your friend, you know your back is covered…

  • By Gracilis,  Father's Day,  Parenting

    Dads & Daughters

    I had two teenage girls turn up for a clinic appointment 2 weeks ago. An elderly gentleman was with them. I was not too sure if he was dad or grandad but I admired the relationship they enjoyed portrayed by their conversations. This elderly gentleman teasingly answered some of the questions I asked, stating that the girls were spending too much time on their phones. He even knew what the girls career ambitions were. When one of them expressed the fact that she wanted to be a medical doctor, I advised her that she needed to get some work experience. The gentleman then chipped in that their mother would be…

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