• Attitude,  Borrowing,  Counselling

    Borrowing & the Contentment struggle

    Back in my university days, I had a particular dorm mate that was notorious for always borrowing stuff. There was absolutely no limit to what he would ask for. Personal stuff like briefs, boxers, roll-on deodorants, etc., were not spared! Interestingly, he was never bothered by the fact that he often gets these items at the lenders’ emotional expense or discomfort. Sadly, many of us, who were his dorm mates, found it incredibly hard to come out with the blunt, single word of, no. Of course, we were acting the Good Neighbours. We also did not want to hurt his feelings. Well, what makes it worse is how he sometimes…

  • Attitude,  Counselling

    It’s ok to ask

    Instruction is a pretty good teacher, but you rarely forget the lessons you learn from Experience. When I got into the University as an Undergrad, I had a lot of medical friends who kept throwing the phrase ‘Problem-Based Learning’ (PBL) about. I understood the meaning of those words individually but as a phrase, it didn’t make much sense until many months later.  These friends had researched their University choices to find out which schools trained Doctors with this pattern. I went into a social science course and I fully expected to be taught everything I needed to know. I had achieved decent A’ levels and I was ready to be…

  • Counselling,  Unfaithfulness

    I wish someone told me

    Her hair.  That was the first thing I noticed. Beautifully twisted locks – smaller than the usual size.  She must have had those kinky twists done recently. They were held together with a simple black hair ruffle at the nape of her neck, leaving her face exposed, except for her eyes, which were slightly shielded by her petite glasses.  Her skin was fair; fairer than the average African, slightly fairer than mine.  She was wearing a blue khaki dress which stopped just above her knees, giving ample view to her recently shaven legs. Simple white trainers finished the look.  She looked good.  Probably in her mid-twenties I would say –…

  • By Gracilis,  Counselling,  Single Life

    Living a lie

    It was one of those days in high school that was filled with hype. There was a lot of anticipation in the air as people discovered who their secret admirers were. It was a season of love and love was surely in the air. I did not get a card but shared in the excitement of a roommate of mine who got one. You see, receiving a card was very rare then and people loved to display how many birthday cards or Valentine cards they got It was a thing of status especially for us in the boarding school. We studied my roommate’s card and eventually discovered the sender who…

  • Attitude,  Counselling

    Whispers around me

    We have been talking about advice for some time now and I just remembered that during the countdown to my wedding day, my husband and I  had various levels of counselling; both solicited and unsolicited advice. Sometimes some of them came in the form of whispers initially but as I have carried on in this journey of marriage, their significance has grown larger . One of the most profound words I heard came from a wise Professor who told me “Your mother-in-law is not your mother, so don’t treat her like your mother”.  I was so relieved to hear this as pretty much everyone else had said the opposite.  I…

  • By Gracilis,  Counselling

    With a pinch of salt

    Except you are running a counseling service, formal requests for advice would be uncommon. Rather the majority of advice we receive or give usually occurs informally in our everyday interactions with people. But Irrespective of how advice is sought, it should be given based on principles, truth, and values. But we sometimes receive unsolicited advice especially during obvious changes of life but as well-meaning as some of these may sound, they should be taken with a pinch of salt.   I clearly remember about thirteen years ago when I finally got my visa to study in the United Kingdom. It was a very bold step as I was charting untrodden paths.…

  • Counselling

    Advice about ‘Advise’

    I usually don’t like giving lectures on issues – because I don’t like receiving lectures on issues; but when it comes to the matter of giving and receiving advice, I think it’s time somebody said something! And I am happy to oblige, lol. Firstly, both words are not too dissimilar in meaning. ‘Advice’ is the noun – in simple terms I would say it is an opinion on a matter. ‘Advise’ is the verb, the action of giving counsel to someone on an issue. We all have those moments when you just want to know what someone has done or will do in your situation, but there are pros and…

  • Counselling,  Single Life

    Home or Zoo

     Anyone who has been married for more than twenty-four hours will tell you truthfully that it is indeed a journey and would require learning and unlearning of many things to make it work. Sometime during the course of dating and when the decision to marry has been reached, most churches insist on the need for pre-marital counselling. It is a wonder that even in the midst of the troubles that come after the pre-marital counselling, some people think that there is no need for such counselling. Although counselling in itself is not the end of all the troubles, I  still recommend counselling and listening to advice, but not all advice…

  • Abuse,  Counselling

    SPEAK UP;Someone can help

    ……he stood behind me innocently in the queue for library registration then I felt it; hard, pressing on my back it took a while before I realised what it was, a disgusting violation; I will never understand why I stayed silent even though I walked away…. I let him go just like that to harass another victim… When it comes to sexual harassment, every parent must think of how to have conversations with their children about inappropriate behaviour so they can identify what’s good and what’s not.  I was very happy to come across some info at my children’s nursery about the meaning of pants and thank NSPCC for the work they do. So PANTS means: P…

  • Abuse,  Counselling,  sex

    Defiled

    I didn’t understand my first encounter with sex. Yes, I didn’t have an inkling what it was because I was about six years old. You heard me, six years old!   My mum would leave us- my two brothers and me in the care of a male neighbour when she goes to the market. He lived in a one bedroom apartment downstairs and we lived in a flat upstairs. My mum went to the market like two or three times a week.   We would all be playing in the room, then he would bring out a coin for my brothers and ask them to go buy sweets. He would…

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