• Family,  In-Laws,  Relationship skills

    A Tale of Two Women

    I have followed dishusbandmata for some years now, and having read several topics and issues discussed, I thought it would be okay to do some articles by way of commenting on some topics that have been of interest to me from a husband’s perspective. Naturally, I wouldn’t be expected to tell long and flowery stories whilst making my views known, rather, I will go straight to the point and hit the hammer on the nail straight away. That’s because I am a man, and men go straight to the point. Maybe one of those things that makes “husbandmata” an issue for  most wifeys. I will try to give a (man’s)…

  • Family,  In-Laws,  Marriage

    Understanding my In-Laws

    We all come from different families where we most likely got our values and identity. Growing up as children,my siblings and I were  brought up to respect each other’s privacy, we were taught that the fact that we  are siblings was not an   automatic license to each other’s lives, neither  did  bearing the same surname  confer shareholder’s rights  in  the other person’s affairs and as we grew older and began having our own families, each one of us became more assertive. We showed our love to each other without any feeling of entitlement. We realized early all eight of us were different and there was enough room to be different…

  • Family,  Relationship skills

    Voices from the Village

    I spent most of my childhood and teenage years in Africa, so I understand the saying “It takes a whole Village to raise a child”. I have memories of being told-off by absolute strangers for things that they had no vested interest in.  Some of those ‘busy-body’ moments were actually welcome, but most of them … well, let’s just say they don’t bring back fond memories. As I have grown older, and I am tempted to force my advice on the youth around me, I remember how I felt, receiving those words of wisdom that I did not ask for.  This makes me pause a little, and think a while…

  • By Gracilis,  Family,  Unfaithfulness

    Cheating does Sting

    Just today, I saw a flyer for a programmer on “how to stay with a cheating man:”. I am not sure what the attendance would be, especially as it is a paid event and I doubt if society would tolerate the female version “how to stay with a cheating woman:”.   I dare say that a cheating man seems to be accepted norm in our society but that in itself   does not ease the pain that cheating brings. No one can sincerely say they did not or do not have any qualms about their partner cheating and that is because the nature of true love in itself is jealousy and…

  • By Gracilis,  Family,  Relationship skills

    Daddy versus Husband

    “Na oversabi wife dey call her husband  daddy” I remember the first time I heard that phrase used. I was actually puzzled about it because I knew many wives that called their husbands daddy. Some have done it out of courtesy as children have been born and children being children usually pick up the names they hear us call another and in an African setting or even majority of cultures, it would be disrespectful for a child to refer to his/her parents by their first name at some point in their lives , so some women have virtually had to use the name daddy for their husbands because of the children…

  • Family,  Grief,  Pregnancy

    Two lines, then one line

    Talking about loss can be quite heavy on the tongue.  I don’t think anyone finds it particularly easy; whether it’s a Doctor delivering bad news, or a policewoman sent to tell the family, or a phone call from abroad, there is no convenient time to hear about a loved one dying.  Here’s a story telling of a unique kind of loss, one we try not to focus on a lot – mainly because it is a private matter – even though it hurts like any other. Two lines. That’s how we met.  I was sort of expecting to meet you, but you came a little earlier than planned.  I remember…

  • Family,  Parenting,  Relationship skills

    First Class Love

    I will be the first to confess that it was only until I entered high school that the matter of step-parenting became real in my world. Prior to that, all I knew about step -parents was from the story books I read, with Cinderella story being my most vivid experience. My vocabulary was also limited to step-mothers as these books portrayed and was well tainted to the fact that they were all wicked. I was therefore surprised to learn differently  when I entered the boarding school and made friends with people from different  religious  and ethnic backgrounds. I listened with rapt attention and confusion sometimes as I heard people say…

  • Family,  Parenting,  Relationship skills

    Stepping Up means Stepping Down

    It was a sunny afternoon, the kind when the nearest Fan-milk bicycle man is your friend. I had walked the long distance from our house to the gate near the road, busy seeking one such lifesaving men when I heard the shouts and the noise coming from inside the house. “Leave me alone. I want to go away from this house!” She screamed. “You can go”, her mother replied. I abandoned the dream of my ice cream on a Sunny afternoon and ran back to the house to see what was happening. Through the air vent, I peeped into the house…very reluctant to swap the sunny heat for the flaming…

  • By Gracilis,  Family,  Love

    Love at Christmas

    Christmas  is one of the most loved periods of the year but it does  have the capacity to be the most stressful and the peculiarity of this year has not changed the dynamics.Family members and some relatives we do not necessarily like all have to be at one place for a reasonable length of time,making the perfect recipe for emotional outbursts and quarrels. And  sometimes you do not even need the relatives to cause the problem because the home is filled with tension as couples battle with the financial obligations that the season brings .When it comes to Christmas, everyone seems to get into the default mode of receiving gifts as their …

  • Abuse,  By Gracilis,  Family

    Sleeping with the enemy

    Yesterday was International Men’s day and unfortunately while we were celebrating the men, one man in my home country shot his wife and killed himself. His wife was rushed to the hospital and thankfully at this point, we have not heard she has gone to the great beyond. Sometimes I wonder what would make a man kill his wife? And because sometimes it is the other way, why would someone kill their partner? A close friend once recounted the story of a Pastor who died at the hands of his wife following severe burns. She poured fuel on him and set him ablaze in the house .What was even more…

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