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A Tale of Two Women
I have followed dishusbandmata for some years now, and having read several topics and issues discussed, I thought it would be okay to do some articles by way of commenting on some topics that have been of interest to me from a husband’s perspective. Naturally, I wouldn’t be expected to tell long and flowery stories whilst making my views known, rather, I will go straight to the point and hit the hammer on the nail straight away. That’s because I am a man, and men go straight to the point. Maybe one of those things that makes “husbandmata” an issue for most wifeys. I will try to give a (man’s)…
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Understanding my In-Laws
We all come from different families where we most likely got our values and identity. Growing up as children,my siblings and I were brought up to respect each other’s privacy, we were taught that the fact that we are siblings was not an automatic license to each other’s lives, neither did bearing the same surname confer shareholder’s rights in the other person’s affairs and as we grew older and began having our own families, each one of us became more assertive. We showed our love to each other without any feeling of entitlement. We realized early all eight of us were different and there was enough room to be different…
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The “In-Law” politics
Someone once said that the best advice she got given during all her pre-marital counselling was “Remember, your mother -in-law is NOT your mother”. I totally agree with that statement but would love to also add, so are your brothers-in-law and your sisters-in-law. Well maybe because these latter group of people are not usually known to cause trouble in the majority of in-law conflicts but I must say that understanding generally that our in-laws are our in-laws and that they have their own family peculiarities can help us keep our expectations realistic while playing the necessary politics that is required to navigate the waters of dealing with them seamlessly. The…
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My In-Law Wish
Several years ago, a cousin disclosed to me how she secretly wished for whomever she would eventually get married to, not to have a mother. According to her, she was not cut out to handle any in-law shenanigans. This revelation sent shivers down my spine. Now, why would anyone wish for such a reprehensible thing? It also got me wondering: would the woman I eventually decide to settle down with also harbour a similar wish? Well, I understood where my cousin was coming from. I know her background. Her mother’s experience with her in-laws was unenviable. Now, fast-forward to a few years down the line. My cousin met this guy.…
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And the men said ..4
We women generally love to talk and it’s not surprising that the men had something to say around this issue. “It’s very insensitive when wives talk bad about their in-laws in the presence of the husband. That hurts deep.” This is a word for all of us and not just women; however, women seem to have mastered the weapon known as the tongue, a bit more than the men. There are a few characters in this drama so everyone should listen up! In most cases the in-law(s) who is the subject of the matter tends to be female so only God knows what she said or did to warrant this…
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Put your foot down
Happy New Year all In 2019, something happened in my home that I learned greatly from although at the time it occurred, I did not see it in the light. I am also very happy with the way I responded to it as it has set a precedent in my home that will continue through the ages except, of course, someone decides to rock the boat. My home like every other home is not bereft of the interferences of in-laws which understandably is part of the whole marriage business, especially in our African context where you do not only marry the individual but the family. However, it seems like the…
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Omugwo-the eye opener
I heard someone say recently that her mother-in-law lived with her family for twenty years before she died. I cannot imagine that happening as I do not think my mother-in-law can stand living in the same house with me. If there was a way she could see her son and grandchildren without making any contact with me, I am 100% sure she would take the offer. You may begin to wonder if I offended her but to the best of my knowledge, I haven’t. In short, from the very first time we met, she has acted awkwardly. It happened several years ago. My husband and I had initially met 5years…
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Do me, I Do You! God no go vex
This is a popular saying in some parts of the world. In a nut shell, it means – tit for tat. That’s how I roll! That’s the way we should all roll joor.(pidgin English word for please} The only difference is that I generally don’t pay back like for like but payback I will. Everything will be noted for review and actions put in place and this philosophy of mine affects my family and marriage. When you marry, you become a player in the good, the bad and the ugly on both sides and there is nothing you can do about it. A good way of describing it is in the…
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Your people are NOT My people
What’s all the hullaballoo about marriage and in-laws? Do some women really ask God for husbands without Moms out of fear? If they live in another country, then in-laws shouldn’t really be an issue, right? Haven’t we flogged this in-law matter enough!? I have had the privilege of attending a couple of bridal showers recently and the questions above are some of the thoughts and issues that came up. Hearing too many things about marriage and in-laws can be tedious, but I strongly believe that hearing little or nothing on this matter is a recipe for disaster, so stop complaining and read on. ha-ha. While thinking about this subject…
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The Good, the Bad & the Ugly
Classifying things into groups is a well known method for enhancing memorization and this can be extended to people including our in-laws. The word “in-law” can instantly produce many memories depending on the various types. While I would not say that we are to be held responsible for their actions, some of their behavior to us are actually reactions to our words and actions. Using the title above, the “good” in-laws as those who have thankfully accepted you as family with no obvious separation between you and the other family members. What is good for the goose is good for the gander and as such ,you are not…
