• Betrayal,  Marriage,  sex

    Pornography-a bedroom enemy

    Almost all of us will agree that being cheated upon is not a pleasant experience and as such, we would find no qualms in labelling the offender. Being the source of betrayal, we treat them as enemies, whether or not we have seen them. Curiosity usually gets the best of us and most times, we want to know who the offender is. Sometimes for ladies, we might want to see the “thing” so as to know how we compare to her. What is it about her that ticks the box? Is she prettier, more richly endowed or is she one with a size 6-8 figure? For men, they would probably…

  • By Gracilis,  Friendship,  Marriage,  sex,  Single Life

    Bedroom Friends

    Most single people think that most married people are having sex all the time. But a realistic view into the bedrooms of so many married couples, we would discover the contrary. Apart from the sad reality of those facing the “Dead Bedroom Syndrome” where sex is no more an agenda in their marriage (a painful extreme), a healthy dose of married people do a lot more than sex in the bedroom. A lot of their time is spent talking and hopefully communicating and building on the friendship they cultivated that eventually led to the altar. But one of the most frequent complaints I hear from some ladies is the fact…

  • Love,  Marriage,  Romance,  sex

    Tick ,tick

    Tick tick says the clock What you have to do, do quick I cannot believe it is the last Friday in February. I must admit that January did not seem long as it used to and before I knew it February was here. Yes, it is the lover’s month but I must confess I did not get a card this Valentine which ironically is also my birth month. Come to think of it, I am not sure I even received one last year or even the year before that. I am not sure if it is something that my husband has put into a box labelled “no longer necessary” but…

  • Love,  Marriage,  Romance

    Keeping Love fresh….

    For some of us who may not now , Gracilis is a name I acquired from the medical school. So besides writing here, I actually have a part time medical job now with patients. In short, I was at work today and had a good time with my patients. The last person I saw told me she was quite scared of meeting the dentist and I assured her, I would only be looking and doing nothing. Interestingly she told me she is a counsellor so at the end of my consultation,, she was very relaxed and I told her she would probably use the experience as an example for her…

  • Abuse,  Family,  Marriage

    Men say “No”

    Growing up, the first school I attended at age 4 to 5 years old was quite a distance from my parents’ house, so one had to walk to school. The world then was much safer, and although I’m old enough to recall a wave of the gbomo-gbomo (kidnapping of children) phenomenon in the late 1970s, I also realise that these days, even for adults, going out has almost become an extreme sport, thus being able to leave your house and return without incident is cause for celebration.In the course of those walks, one got a front seat to witness certain aspects of life, which would have been unseen or unheard…

  • Love,  Marriage,  sex

    So, Let’s go there!

      Sex isn’t a topic many Africans are comfortable talking about.  The Caribbeans and Caucasians are way ahead of us when it comes to talking about it, and so one can only imagine what we think on the matter of Sexual Therapy… Well, I’ve just about summoned enough courage to say a few things on the matter – So let’s go there! Unlike Hollywood has led most of us to believe, being able to satisfy your spouse sexually is not always a natural talent, neither is swimming for that matter.  I honestly thought everyone was born with the ability to swim and as I child, I spent ages dreaming about…

  • Family,  In-Laws,  Marriage

    Understanding my In-Laws

    We all come from different families where we most likely got our values and identity. Growing up as children,my siblings and I were  brought up to respect each other’s privacy, we were taught that the fact that we  are siblings was not an   automatic license to each other’s lives, neither  did  bearing the same surname  confer shareholder’s rights  in  the other person’s affairs and as we grew older and began having our own families, each one of us became more assertive. We showed our love to each other without any feeling of entitlement. We realized early all eight of us were different and there was enough room to be different…

  • Marriage,  Single Life,  Unfaithfulness

    So,I confessed…

    Confessions of infidelity come in different forms and types. Social media has also made some confessions that were meant to be private to become public. Although one would expect   that before a confession goes public, the individuals involved would have known already. But there are circumstances where before the culprit has the chance to make a confession, the events have been made public. This of course makes the confession or reconciliation process to be more arduous. But no matter how the confession comes out, at one point or the other, we must come to deal with the aftermaths of a Confession. It  is important  to respond to a confession appropriately…

  • By Gracilis,  Marriage,  Single Life,  Unfaithfulness

    Making the Confession

    Her husband had taken his bath. She watched him dress up and when he attempted to leave, she reminded him that their Pastor had promised to visit He acknowledged her but promised to be back as soon as possible. He had barely left the house when the doorbell rang. She welcomed their Pastor and began profusely apologizing for her husband’s absence but he interrupted her by saying she was actually the one he wanted to see. Her Pastor took his seat and then began to talk. She had had a few doubts about her husband but did not expect this was how she would be informed about a stepchild. She…

  • Introspection,  Marriage

    “I am your husband”

    What a comment! I smile thinking about the few guys who introduced themselves to me in this way during my single days. It was enough for me to walk away laughing.  However, this little statement has had a different effect on me since I said ‘I DO’.Marriage is good – it really is, and I’ll defend and support getting married to the right person any day and anytime. However, God in His infinite wisdom has decided that we would not come to each other as perfect beings, but work together to achieve perfection in Him. The process is not a joke. Three weeks after I got married my husband demanded…

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