• Marriage,  Relationship skills,  Single Life

    Journey to the altar

    Diary Excerpt 1:  It really isn’t that easy, although everybody says it is.  This is getting too tricky for my liking.  Nothing could have prepared me for this but the pressure is serious.  Big sis always says don’t make your husband despise your family and don’t make your family despise your husband.  Really tricky!! I assumed that since dad is clergy and a really good marriage counsellor, my case should be pretty straight forward.  I forgot this would be new territory to him and his reactions are so foreign to me.  I don’t know this guy, cos this ain’t my Daddy! Diary Excerpt 2:  I haven’t written in a long while because a part of me doesn’t want…

  • Family,  Marriage

    One home,two houses

    Living apart ….. this is something I never imagined in my wildest dream that I will have to deal with but one thing I have learnt about being married is to be open to change and make the best of every situation no matter how bad it seems.   I was believing God for a job and actually wrote down all I wanted in the new job. I kept praying and believing God. I got a call from a friend in the UK asking me if I was interested in a job in an organization here in Nigeria. I went for the interview and it went well. It was also…

  • Attitude,  Love,  Marriage

    Celebrating You

    There are a lot of things that God has given us the ability to plan and carry out ourselves, but there are some things that God has left to His Sovereignty.  While we are aware that there are times and season for certain things to take place, the exact timing of most events in our lives is something only the Father knows.   I had a plan.  I knew when I wanted to get married and when I wanted to have children, taking into account my age and physical fitness.  I got married 4 years after my personal schedule, but I still wanted to wait a few months before starting…

  • Betrayal,  Marriage,  sex

    Pornography-a bedroom enemy

    Almost all of us will agree that being cheated upon is not a pleasant experience and as such, we would find no qualms in labelling the offender. Being the source of betrayal, we treat them as enemies, whether or not we have seen them. Curiosity usually gets the best of us and most times, we want to know who the offender is. Sometimes for ladies, we might want to see the “thing” so as to know how we compare to her. What is it about her that ticks the box? Is she prettier, more richly endowed or is she one with a size 6-8 figure? For men, they would probably…

  • By Gracilis,  Friendship,  Marriage,  sex,  Single Life

    Bedroom Friends

    Most single people think that most married people are having sex all the time. But a realistic view into the bedrooms of so many married couples, we would discover the contrary. Apart from the sad reality of those facing the “Dead Bedroom Syndrome” where sex is no more an agenda in their marriage (a painful extreme), a healthy dose of married people do a lot more than sex in the bedroom. A lot of their time is spent talking and hopefully communicating and building on the friendship they cultivated that eventually led to the altar. But one of the most frequent complaints I hear from some ladies is the fact…

  • Love,  Marriage,  Romance,  sex

    Tick ,tick

    Tick tick says the clock What you have to do, do quick I cannot believe it is the last Friday in February. I must admit that January did not seem long as it used to and before I knew it February was here. Yes, it is the lover’s month but I must confess I did not get a card this Valentine which ironically is also my birth month. Come to think of it, I am not sure I even received one last year or even the year before that. I am not sure if it is something that my husband has put into a box labelled “no longer necessary” but…

  • Love,  Marriage,  Romance

    Keeping Love fresh….

    For some of us who may not now , Gracilis is a name I acquired from the medical school. So besides writing here, I actually have a part time medical job now with patients. In short, I was at work today and had a good time with my patients. The last person I saw told me she was quite scared of meeting the dentist and I assured her, I would only be looking and doing nothing. Interestingly she told me she is a counsellor so at the end of my consultation,, she was very relaxed and I told her she would probably use the experience as an example for her…

  • Abuse,  Family,  Marriage

    Men say “No”

    Growing up, the first school I attended at age 4 to 5 years old was quite a distance from my parents’ house, so one had to walk to school. The world then was much safer, and although I’m old enough to recall a wave of the gbomo-gbomo (kidnapping of children) phenomenon in the late 1970s, I also realise that these days, even for adults, going out has almost become an extreme sport, thus being able to leave your house and return without incident is cause for celebration.In the course of those walks, one got a front seat to witness certain aspects of life, which would have been unseen or unheard…

  • Love,  Marriage,  sex

    So, Let’s go there!

      Sex isn’t a topic many Africans are comfortable talking about.  The Caribbeans and Caucasians are way ahead of us when it comes to talking about it, and so one can only imagine what we think on the matter of Sexual Therapy… Well, I’ve just about summoned enough courage to say a few things on the matter – So let’s go there! Unlike Hollywood has led most of us to believe, being able to satisfy your spouse sexually is not always a natural talent, neither is swimming for that matter.  I honestly thought everyone was born with the ability to swim and as I child, I spent ages dreaming about…

  • Family,  In-Laws,  Marriage

    Understanding my In-Laws

    We all come from different families where we most likely got our values and identity. Growing up as children,my siblings and I were  brought up to respect each other’s privacy, we were taught that the fact that we  are siblings was not an   automatic license to each other’s lives, neither  did  bearing the same surname  confer shareholder’s rights  in  the other person’s affairs and as we grew older and began having our own families, each one of us became more assertive. We showed our love to each other without any feeling of entitlement. We realized early all eight of us were different and there was enough room to be different…

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