• By Gracilis,  Mother's Day,  Relationship skills

    Mum did know

    One of the benefits of becoming older  is that we begin to acknowledge the sacrifices our parents made; putting food on the table, shelter over our heads , giving us education as they could afford and then the part we come to appreciate later, disciplining us. While I was growing up, my mother was greatly feared by myself. Being a strong disciplinarian, she did not spare the rod at all but I would not say I was beaten unnecessarily. Most times, when I got a beating, it was well deserved. One of the beatings that still remains eternally tattooed in my memory was the one I got the first time…

  • Father;s Day,  Marriage,  Relationship skills

    Mum didn’t know 4

    Growing up for me was blissful. I had a father who would listen,  empower  and reinforce to me the fact that God fearfully and wonderfully created me. Daddy told me daily how I could be anything I wanted to be. You see, my daddy was 30 years older than my mother. He was better educated in “terms of certificates” than her and he was a greatly travelled gentleman. My mother on the flip side, was only a standard six certificate  holder, from  a more humble background but “a very intelligent woman” without the glory of “many paper certificates”. By virtue of the gap in their background, my mother’s mantra was…

  • Growing up,  Relationship skills,  Single Life

    Mum didn’t know 3

    As a child, I really didn’t look forward to being a teenager.  When I finally turned thirteen, I told myself over and over that I wasn’t as smart as I thought.  This was because I had heard about and seen so many naughty teenagers and I really didn’t want to be like them.  Most of them did things their parents would never dream they were doing, but I really wanted to have an open relationship with my mum particularly.  It was really cool to be sent off to boarding school, where I was technically ‘safe’ from certain issues. There were all kinds of girls in this ‘safe zone’ and without…

  • Introspection,  Relationship skills

    Choosing Joy ….

    My second son has always been a bundle of joy. He keeps playing, and having fun even when things don’t look good. You see, he struggles with his health and with his academics. The difference is very obvious especially since his twin seems to be so good academically and rarely falls ill. He doesn’t say much but I know that he feels bad everytime she gets one more prize or award. But last week his time came. His school had been practicing for interhouse sports and he was representing Green House. On the very last week, he was told to switch to his sister’s house (topaz) This meant he lost…

  • Mother's Day,  Parenting,  Relationship skills

    Dear Mother,…..

    …It’s taken me a long time to get here, but there are some things I need to say….. I just want you to understand the impact you’ve had in my life; I hope you know that I am the woman I am today mainly because of the woman you are. Wow! As I am sat here trying to put my pen to paper (figuratively), I don’t even know where to start. I mean even after years of my commitment to try and understand your approach to this relationship we have, I can honestly say I don’t get it. But I’d be lying if I said I learnt nothing from it.…

  • Attitude,  Rape,  Relationship skills,  sex

    Consent & Sexual Assault

    Today delivers a heavy topic but a particularly important one. It goes without saying (but must be very clearly stated) that sexual assault is only ever caused by one person, the perpetrator. FULLSTOP!!! I believe that sex is a beautiful gift that was meant to be enjoyed by a man and woman who are united in holy matrimony and have consented to the act at that particular point in time. Obviously, sex takes place in other settings as well and it is important to acknowledge that. Like every good thing in this world, people misuse this gift in sadistic, disgusting ways. I wonder how God must feel when he sees…

  • By Gracilis,  Friendship,  Relationship skills

    About Frenemies 2

    After last week’s article on Frenemies, I got feedback from people that showed that it was something that resonated with them . As I thought about the sequalae, and what next to write, I suddenly remembered what a friend once told me about her dad. We were talking about something and the name of a government official came up. This man was among the first five men ruling the country at that time. She shocked me when she said   “that man was my dad’s friend. He used to visit our house”. I was really surprised that they knew such an influential person in the corridors of power and before I…

  • By Gracilis,  Friendship,  Relationship skills,  Uncategorized

    About Frenemies

    When I was eight  years old,  a friend whom I met in the after school lessons gave me a card. It was titled “Why God made friends” and although I don’t remember all the words of the card. I remember this  part “God made friends because he knew mothers could not be everywhere“.  And although it has been  over three decades, I look back and see that most of my philosophy of friendship has always had a mother’s perspective. I also learnt how to be a friend by observing how my mum related with her friends, both  in their presence and absence. If my mother is your friend, you know your back is covered…

  • Attitude,  Relationship skills

    Seeing the other side

    One of the joys of WhatsApp is the ability to connect to several people  in a group setting. Although this can be a source of joy and  bring back real memories especially if it is to a people we  once  shared history with , it also has its share of pain and drama. Realistically, the further down  the history with a group, the more diverse the individuals would be . Taking my high school Whatsapp group for instance, at one point in our lives , we were all joined together in a private school because we belonged to a certain social class. However, when we parted ways, life happened to…

  • Relationship skills,  Romance,  Single Life

    Weird Proposals 3

    When it comes to proposals,sometimes they go south because they have been done too early And then the question comes on how early is too early ? I say it actually depends .I know someone who proposed to his wife two weeks after they met . They were on a date and he asked her to marry him .She asked him “when?”.and then he told her ,give me an answer first and then we will work the details out .Of course ,it takes someone who is tryout convinced and know what they are looking for ,especially with the ability to recognize it and almost twenty years later ,they are still…

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