• By Gracilis,  Pregnancy,  sex,  Single Life

    Pregnancy -induced marriages

     Not all marriages begin with “Will you marry me ?”. Some of them begin with “I don carry belle” (“I don carry belle” means I have an unplanned pregnancy)-Facebook Post by Godwin Tom-Lawyer (things that make you say chai )   Sometime ago, my elder brother (Godwin) put up the above post on Facebook (seriously almost all his posts are interesting and when I read it, it initially brought laughter. However, after the laughter, I thought about all the people that I have seen in the latter predicament who sadly had taken that path to save face immediately but actually had found themselves in terrible conditions later on in the long run. While we…

  • Betrayal,  Marriage,  sex

    Pornography-a bedroom enemy

    Almost all of us will agree that being cheated upon is not a pleasant experience and as such, we would find no qualms in labelling the offender. Being the source of betrayal, we treat them as enemies, whether or not we have seen them. Curiosity usually gets the best of us and most times, we want to know who the offender is. Sometimes for ladies, we might want to see the “thing” so as to know how we compare to her. What is it about her that ticks the box? Is she prettier, more richly endowed or is she one with a size 6-8 figure? For men, they would probably…

  • By Gracilis,  Friendship,  Marriage,  sex,  Single Life

    Bedroom Friends

    Most single people think that most married people are having sex all the time. But a realistic view into the bedrooms of so many married couples, we would discover the contrary. Apart from the sad reality of those facing the “Dead Bedroom Syndrome” where sex is no more an agenda in their marriage (a painful extreme), a healthy dose of married people do a lot more than sex in the bedroom. A lot of their time is spent talking and hopefully communicating and building on the friendship they cultivated that eventually led to the altar. But one of the most frequent complaints I hear from some ladies is the fact…

  • Attitude,  Romance,  sex

    Is Sex overated?

    BED ROOM, BOARD ROOM , BALL ROOM AND NEWS ROOM, DOES SEX MATTER?  Sex is overrated! Oh yes, you read me right. As someone who makes a livelihood from sex, believe me when I tell you that sex is over-rated. However, sex sells. Are you wondering what the difference is? Let me explain. From the North Pole to the South Pole, from the big bang to the blackhole and from the Garden of Eden to the present, sex sold, sex sells and will continue to sell. Ever wondered why Lucifer posed as a the snake and went to Eve? Why did Lucifer son of the morning not go to Adam?…

  • Love,  Marriage,  Romance,  sex

    Tick ,tick

    Tick tick says the clock What you have to do, do quick I cannot believe it is the last Friday in February. I must admit that January did not seem long as it used to and before I knew it February was here. Yes, it is the lover’s month but I must confess I did not get a card this Valentine which ironically is also my birth month. Come to think of it, I am not sure I even received one last year or even the year before that. I am not sure if it is something that my husband has put into a box labelled “no longer necessary” but…

  • Love,  Marriage,  sex

    So, Let’s go there!

      Sex isn’t a topic many Africans are comfortable talking about.  The Caribbeans and Caucasians are way ahead of us when it comes to talking about it, and so one can only imagine what we think on the matter of Sexual Therapy… Well, I’ve just about summoned enough courage to say a few things on the matter – So let’s go there! Unlike Hollywood has led most of us to believe, being able to satisfy your spouse sexually is not always a natural talent, neither is swimming for that matter.  I honestly thought everyone was born with the ability to swim and as I child, I spent ages dreaming about…

  • Racism & Rape,  sex,  Single Life

    Sexual Entitlement

    I wonder if you read the posts from the past two Fridays talking about sexual assault and attempted rape. Interestingly enough, none of the perpetrators were friends of the ladies and I sometimes wonder how perpetrators get to that sense of entitlement. I could fully empathize with the writers and glad that Gracilis had a narrow escape . It made me remember when  I had to stay over at a friend’s place last year. This friend was not in town and allowed me to stay over for a few days.  As I got into the room, thanking God for a safe journey and unpacking my bags, I heard a neighbouring…

  • Abuse,  Racism & Rape,  sex

    Sexual assault & Consent

    Today delivers a heavy topic but a particularly important one. It goes without saying (but must be very clearly stated) that sexual assault is only ever caused by one person, the perpetrator. FULLSTOP!!! I believe that sex is a beautiful gift that was meant to be enjoyed by a man and woman who are united in holy matrimony and have consented to the act at that particular point in time. Obviously, sex takes place in other settings as well and it is important to acknowledge that. Like every good thing in this world, people misuse this gift in sadistic, disgusting ways. I wonder how God must feel when he sees…

  • Marriage,  sex

    De-weaponize the Culprit!

    Warning:This article has been written with the full intention of improving your sex life WITHIN marriage. There was a man. He fell in love with a mermaid. He left his brother, he left his business, and they lived happily ever after. But one day, he sat on a rock……… This was the introduction to one of the films I watched on repeat as a teenager.  The film itself was mediocre, but the theme song and this introduction really stuck out to me. Most films and books end with the happily ever after, and we really believe that the heroes and heroines of the movies, wake up every morning smiling into…

  • By Gracilis,  Marriage,  sex

    Centre of Excellence

    Waking up from the bunk bed one morning, I was faced with the arduous task of taking my bath once again in the orientation camp during my service year. There were no bathrooms and as such every morning, the harmattan wind blew with revenge on our naked bodies while the cold water with which we took our baths struggled to take its place as one of the top three causes of our morning misery, losing always to the brutality of the soldiers. All around me in the open space behind our dormitory were bodies of the womenfolk. Different sizes, shapes and colours. Armed with a pail of some sort, we…

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