Entitled Sex

So last week, Gracilis was talking about sexual assault and attempted rape. Interestingly enough, none of the perpetrators were friends of the ladies and I sometimes wonder how perpetrators get to that sense of entitlement. I could fully empathize with the writers and glad that Gracilis had a narrow escape . It made me remember when  I had to stay over at a friend’s place some  years ago. This friend was not in town and allowed me to stay over for a few days.  As I got into the room, thanking God for a safe journey and unpacking my bags, I heard a neighbouring female moaning in the bliss of sex.  It brought back a painful memory.

I was studying really hard during my university programme and while working on my dissertation, I was chatting with a friend based in another town.  We met at a church event almost ten years before and we had met up a few other times as we had other friends in common. He was good looking but I was not interested in him as he was much younger than and I was seeing someone when we met.  His degree was in the area of my dissertation and I genuinely needed help.  So he offered to come over and we could study together.  I lived with two other females and the living room was habitable so it wasn’t an issue. We intended to study all night anyway.

So my friend comes over and we begin to study in the living room. One of my housemates (who went out of her way to let me know how ‘Christian’ she is) had her fiancé over for a few days and that night they had an encounter! My friend and I were in a serious discussion when we heard moans and groans and a squeaky bed. We put on the television and tried to continue studying, but when it seemed like round three was about to start I had heard enough.  We had 6-inches of snow outside so the library was not an option.  I couldn’t sleep downstairs with that noise so I told my friend I was going upstairs.  Apparently, he took it as an invitation.  I knew he was sexually active, but he had never tried or even spoken about trying anything on me in the past, but I can only deduce that the sounds we heard had a dangerous effect on him.

So I found myself fighting off my friend. He happened to be a personal trainer and he was fit but I kept thinking “God forbid that I will lose my virginity like this”.  I was too dazed to scream but I crossed my legs as tightly as I could. After a while, he just fell asleep.  I didn’t move for a long time, and when I did, I stood up to look at him thinking “did I just imagine that?”  He woke up hours later and asked for breakfast like nothing happened!!!! I looked him in the eye and said

‘You tried to rape me last night and you are asking me for breakfast?!’

he replied that he was only giving me what I wanted.  He left my house and I cut all contact with him.  On the outside, I looked fine, but I was not fine for several weeks after that.  I gave my sheets to the charity shop because they were really nice bedsheets but I knew I could never sleep on them again.

You’re probably reading this and thinking of how you would have scratched his eyes out or grabbed the organ he was trying to cause harm with or wondering how I could not have known after all these years what kind of person he was, etc.  How would I have known that he was a guy who felt sexually entitled   and without reason For a while, the incident kept playing  repeatedly .

We had some statistics a couple of weeks ago.  If I had reported the case, it would be my word against his. Would anyone believe me? On the one hand, I seriously blame my housemate because I firmly believed I was safe downstairs and this guy respected me enough to respect my body; but I know he is to blame hence my ending all contact.  Don’t play with fire.

My Husband happily took my virginity after we got married and it is a gift he was extremely happy to receive.  Save yourselves people – you’re worth it! There is no need to be friends with people who have a sense of sexual entitlement. Scroll, select and delete.