Attending a boarding school is one of the very life experiences I am eternally grateful that I had the opportunity of having. In short most of my siblings did . One of the great advantages of being a boarder was the fact that you learnt how to live communally, we ate the same food at the same time, woke up , worked and slept at the same time. Unlike the day students who left the show at 2pm, the borders had 24 hours to each other, leaving there to be no room for pretense
It meant that there could be drama and drama in the very sense of the word. I clearly remember one day while we were in the dining hall (usually we had a certain number of tables and there was a mix in the number of students of different classes) on every table. On that particular day on my table while we were waiting for food to be served , two classmates of mine(of course, girls) got into a heated argument. One of them was quite vocal and as such was doing most of the talking. We had already pleaded for these girls to stop but they were not ready. They continued to exchange words and we were all left with the entertainment it provided. However the quarrel itself ran into an abrupt end when the more vocal girl in anger told the other “so why are you shouting now?” , the other girl most likely for a lack of what to truly say just replied, “why are you not shouting?” , we were all caught unawares by the answer which provoked laughter and the quarrel stopped.
I don’t know if you have ever had that wonderful experience of stopping a heated argument by choosing to focus on something else. Sometimes we are so bent upon getting our point across and are not really listening to the other person and could go on and on unnecessarily speaking words that we sometimes regret. Sometimes in the aftermath of a quarrel, we presume that the way to stop horrible words, is to keep a check on what we are saying. The reality of the situation really is not watching what we are saying as this might just deal with surface issues ,rather we should give more thoughts to what we are thinking.
What we truly think about someone and the value and esteem we have of them may not easily show in a normal situation but during a heated argument, several of the things we have stored inside will come out.
If we have chunked in garbage about the person, that is what will eventually come out and so if we do not want to be regretting what we end up saying during a quarrel, let us be mindful of the things we allow to settle in our hearts. These terrible things usually start to settle when we do not deal with issues as they come up, sometimes in our homes. In a false sense of peace, so many things are swept under the carpet and then one day, at the slightest provocation, we open our mouths only to realize an outpouring of the hurts and bitterness that have been stored. The truth is beneath most quarrels in our homes are some unresolved issues.
If we are going to be authentic people with real healthy relationships, then we should be ready to get rid of hidden hurts and misconceptions . Over the years I have found out that they always throw a shadow over our words. always do
From my desk,
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