Friendship,  Marriage

Girlfriends Activated

So about two weeks ago, someone posted the above picture on my high school Whatsapp group.

It struck me because the truth presented was mixed with sarcasm, and the hurt behind the post was unmistakably clear. This married man has had his hands burnt and the girlfriends of his wife were  partly to blame.  In the midst of his pain, he thought it might be best to warn others of the other stakeholders in a marriage. He  did not mince words about the unwelcome  crew whom he referred to as  an idiot bunch of board directors .

Let me start by first saying that the truth behind the post is not restricted to the female folk nor to our ages.  We are all influenced by our friends, and when we were much younger, some of us suffered from varying degrees of peer pressure.

Every wise parent knows that it is best to embrace the friends of their children as this particular clique could mar or make their child. Showing open hatred or contempt for certain friends of our children is a mistake that usually impacts our relationship with them negatively.

Ironically most spouses make the same mistake with the friends of their significant others and keep varying degrees of malice  and contempt, much to their disadvantage .

Usually when a man is courting a lady, he usually extends some degree of courtesy to her friends, sometimes buying them drinks or  simply asking after their welfare. Unfortunately for some,these courtesies cease after they get married and some  controlling people even want all friendship ties to be cut off, much to the detriment of their relationships .

It is  important to recognize the immense role that friends play in the life of our spouses/partners and this should cause us to respect these friends. I however agree with the writer of the post that not all friends are good but since our spouses/partners are adults, we should allow them come to their own discovery and decisions.

I will not also fail to mention that treating your spouse’s /partner’s friends disrespectfully in front of them is unloving and disrespectful. The other side of this is maintaining an open relationship with a friend who openly disrespects your spouse/partner is also disrespectful

To be honest, we can maximize the friendships that our spouses /partners have by taking the time to build our own relationships with these people. We should try to acknowledge things like their birthdays, new arrivals, grief or sometimes just pick up the phone to find out how they are . You will be scoring points that will work to your favour later . No matter how much we love our spouse/partner, it is impossible to meet all their emotional needs, hence the need for other  friendships to be encouraged  and maintained. In short,  any  relationship that demands  exclusivity and a breaking away  break of  our long standing  friendship ties  is not healthy and could eventually lead to abuse .

 A word of caution though , don’t get over familiar with your wife’s friends. If your spouse tells you something about her girlfriend, do not go discussing it with the girlfriend  like you were the one who was told. It is a certain breach of trust for your wife to have probably told you (she might be seeking a man’s perspective) but when you go and ask someone about something they did not discuss with you, you are not helping the friendship.

Your wife’s friend will be hurt by the betrayal and girlfriends, try and keep the secrets of your girlfriends with you. If she has not given you permission to share, do not let her matter be part of your bedroom gist, this is not a matter of transparency but confidentiality and after so many years of friendship, breaking trust can be almost irrevocable.

I think it is important for us to remember that relationships usually grow out of friendship and we must respect the friendships our spouses or partners have, without being over-familiar. We should not try to control these friendships. It is a sign of love and respect to cultivate our own friendship with friends of our spouses/partners. They are our unofficial in-laws and their support to our relationships is invaluable. And so  once in a while, let us let our spouses/partners  have some me time with the girls/guys .

Allow the Girlfriends get together to be activated ! It will do a lot of good to your relationship and you can thank me later .

Happy Valentine;s Day in advance

 

PS-You can send this to your spouse/partner as a prelude to a holiday for her/him with their buddies.Ha

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