I call her ‘Silver’
The idea that there may be another significant woman in a husband’s life can be very threatening to a wife. We battle enough with mothers-in-law and special Aunties and even some godmothers; so to include the added burden of a devious other somebody is a pretty big deal.
I prayed concerning this area before I got into marriage as I know that I lack the energy to fight for any man. Why should I have to? I told God I wanted what was mine and not another person’s property. God gave me ‘my own man’, but from the first month of our marriage, I had competition. Silver had known my husband before I met him, so I was not really disturbed by her presence in his life. She worked with him and they produced a lot of good work together. Little did I know what a nuisance she would be.
It sort of started with deadlines at work. She would come home with my husband and he would hardly give me a proper welcome. He would shower and eat his meal quickly and then, they would be in a meeting for the next few hours. Of course, I was furious. This is not what I signed up for. Is it not enough that you spend all your work hours with her and now you want me to sit back and watch her take the time allocated to me as well? My husband said I was being petty. Silver was important but she would never take my place. I didn’t see it that way. Sometimes I would try to join in the ‘meeting’ but it seemed there were a lot of inside jokes which I couldn’t understand. I felt like a third wheel. This brought me a lot of pain and I would cry to God day after day. I understood men, I understood women, but I never dreamt I would be competing with this thing I have called Silver, my husband’s laptop!!!!
So many times I have thought about smashing it, or at least hiding it for a few weeks, but what good would that really do? My darling really could not see what the issue was, as he was working very hard to make sure I am comfortable, blah blah blah…
I did spend some time in prayer, asking God to give me the wisdom to deal with this, as there would always be a laptop in both our lives, as well as the odd football match and all the other interesting things that some men feel they don’t need women for. So I went to update my wardrobe with some serious weapons! Weapons for his eyes only! When I am trying to have a conversation and it looks like silver is getting her way, I go and get dressed for battle. I always win. No business deal or football match can compete in that time as the victory is floorless.
I understand that we can’t always use the ‘s’ strategy just because we need a little time with our husbands, but that was a start for me. I sometimes watch some of the football matches as well, and when I start commenting on how fit the guys are, or how good-looking, he tends to focus on me a little more. A lovely plate of his favourite meal also works. Other pointers include looking good, dealing with body or mouth odour and keeping your hair on point! Hair is a big deal ladies. I know my competition was only a computer, but I used all these principles as if it were a real person. Battle for your marriage on your knees in prayer, but don’t forget your physical appearance and other wifely duties in the process. There is much to enjoy in marriage, so fight for yours.
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