By Gracilis,  Romance,  Single Life,  Uncategorized

Just in case

I met up recently with some friends who have been following this blog and one of them was particularly disturbed about the trend amongst some singles who find themselves in an undefined relationship with the opposite sex that goes on for ages.

She advised me of how she had observed a friend (let’s call her Rose) be with a guy (let’s call him Joseph) for donkey years with nothing defined. Rose was known to all Joseph’s family. Joseph equally loved to spend time with her and they did everything people in a relationship would do without the commitment.

 They continued for a number of years with Rose falling more and more in love. One Christmas, Joseph asked if he could spend the time with Rose, she agreed. They went to a family function together. During that function, Joseph met Rose’s childhood friend,(let’s call her Becky). He was totally smitten. It did not take a few months before Rose and Becky had to have a heart to heart talk. Becky knew that her friend had always loved this guy and they were all just waiting for him to finally say something. However the truth of the matter then was that Joseph was in love with her and had declared his intentions and she was equally interested. Rose had to release her friend to go ahead and today, Becky and Joseph are married with children.  What happened to Rose? She is still single and has just come out of  yet  another cycle of  the “just in case” syndrome.

Why do I call it “Just in Case” Syndrome. This is because  in most cases, one party is comfortable remaining in an undefined relationship because they are only marking time there. Immediately they find what they are looking for or something better, they leave and want to do so without feeling like they have broken any promises. Unfortunately while this is their true intention, several excuses such as  he will make up his mind soon”, “he is finding it difficult to talk” ”he needs to sort his immigration issues first “”there is a lot on his mindare  made for them. Apparently, some men actually seem oblivious to the fact that some other girl’s time has been wasted in the process. Honestly, no guy should act up and hover around a lady (inadvertently driving away other potentials) if she does not tick the boxes. This is because when he eventually takes a back-door exit, the lady is left to battle with a cruel form of rejection.

 Some ladies are also guilty of this. They allow a relationship to progress and even when the  guy proposes, they delay the answer because their hopes are elsewhere. If your answer is “No” say so graciously and quickly rather than keeping someone waiting in case you don’t get any other offers. I am amazed how some ladies can have three relationships running simultaneously in a bid to leave their options open and the rather lame excuse of “at least, one will work!”
There are several reasons why people stay in an undefined relationship for ages. Sometimes erroneously thinking the patient dog will get the fattest bone or foolishly remaining to maintain the status quo.

I am not saying we cannot have friends of the opposite sex but we all have to guard against being used as an emotional pillow. There is something probably wrong if   he has been calling  you every day for like 2-3 hours in the past 6 months and nothing is still defined. As women, we have the tendency to start falling in love very quickly especially based on what we hear. Two hours every day is almost a tithe of your time and a lot to invest in a “Just in case” relationship.

This is not to say that  the next week after you meet someone you should ask “ what  are your intentions?” as they may not have any intentions at all but they are just being friendly. What I am simply saying is that ill or undefined relationships always damage emotions with far reaching implications. The “Just in case” hook always hurts and it is part of maturity to be able to have healthy defined friendships and relationships in all our dealings with people.

More to come,

Gracillis

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