Introspection,  Relationship skills

Mirror mirror

You are welcome indeed to another year with us and am sure you are looking forward to reading our posts this year.

I must say that it is indeed a time of sober reflection for us here as a team and we are truly amazed and humbled at how our writings over the years have changed perspectives and helped not only our relationships but the relationships of others.

I remember reading the story of a lady who always watched her neighbour from her house. She used to see the woman very clearly but noticed as the days went by, her vision of her neighbour was getting blurred. She wondered why her neighbour was so lazy and could not clean her windows.  After a while, she stopped looking through her windows as she could hardly see her neighbour.

But one day, after she had a spring cleaning in her house, she sat by her window and then noticed she could see her neighbour clearly. It then dawned on her that her inability to see her neighbour clearly was because her own window was dirty. She was the one who had been lazy all the while.

So just as we mark the end of the first week and people have been writing their goals, can I just check that you have also written goals for your relationships this year, be it romantic or non-romantic.

What is it about your relationship that you want to change or what is it about it that you want to improve on   and what are you willing to do to get there?

I am not talking about what you want to do in someone else’s life or how you wish they could change this or that, rather our call in this first post is that you take the mirror and look at yourself.

Let the spotlight be on you and (me also in my house 😀)

What does the mirror say and how honestly are we interpreting the reflection of the mirror?

         What are the things about yourself which you have accepted, but are perhaps not really acceptable?

Having lived with yourself this long, you may start to believe that somethings   are normal, but do you know that sometimes some of those things we think are just us are actually learned behaviour that has come as a result of our experiences, those of others we know and even our fears of tomorrow.

And if those things are learned, it means they can be unlearned. Interestingly enough some of the learning was unintentional but when it comes to unlearning, it would have to take a conscious effort.

There was a time when I was working somewhere, I dealt with a case that was a bit complicated. It took me a while to gather the various information and had to get into serval case notes to be able to present the information needed for the right diagnosis. Interestingly I wanted to let my team leader and had put the information somewhere that some other members has privy to. Before I knew it , someone from the team had collected all the information I had spent time gathering and went to make use of it in my case adding just a one liner to all the work I did .

When it came to the time I wanted to input this information, alas someone else had done so. I was so upset. It was like a first-hand experience of what I had been hearing from some people talking about not being acknowledged for their hard work because someone else had made it look like they made the effort instead.

I complained to my sister then who rightly told me that if I didn’t like what happened, I should speak to the individual concerned.I was in a dilemma. I did not like what happened and I did not want to talk about it because I did not want to make a fuss.  But I was still upset and decided I needed to talk about it. I weighed writing and talking. With something written expressing displeasure, there is a chance that things could be misconstrued, so I eventually picked up the phone and called the person. She  tried to act like she was trying to help but long story short, the next time she would attempt to do something like that with me, she would think twice.

Perhaps some of the issues in your relationship may be the selfishness of your partner but is there anything you might be doing to enable such behaviours?

Is it possible that in a bid for some form of peace, you have decided not to talk about somethings only to realize that the silence has been slowly killing your relationship?

I strongly believe that like that woman at the beginning of this  story, perhaps  we  might all  need to clean the windows in our own house first   so we can see our neighbours glass properly.

It is time to bring our mirrors and look at who we really are and make the necessary adjustments.

So this year, continue visiting your favourite blog because many of the articles will be mirrors for us all to look into and make the adjustments to become better. And lest I forget, please keep the comments flowing as it really encourages the writers who are also looking into the mirror.

Happy New Year with love from all of us here @





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