Just this evening when I decided to do my evening duties of writing, I came across the news that it appears BBC Radio 2 has decided to ban the songs of one of the music legends of our time because of the allegations of child sex abuse. I am not taking sides and checking the veracity of these accusations but would love to say that sometimes these things happen much more than we realize. The word “child” could actually be figurative and in a religious context, some adults could be seen as children when compared to their leaders. Unfortunately, people sometimes abuse their spiritual position and just like Folake showed in yesterday’s post, we need to stand up and say no.
It is almost like driving your car and being given the No sign by the traffic lights. That Red signal button can be annoying especially when one is in a hurry. Whenever I drive through the red traffic light, (believe me, it happens rarely )I feel guilty because I know that I have overridden the decision of the automated traffic warden who is trying to keep all road users safe.
In life, however, there are various versions of the red light. Sometimes there is a passive red light that warns us about the potential dangers of an existing or about to exist relationship while sometimes, we take the place and would have to actively issue a red light warning. Adhering to this as we would do in traffic should hopefully keep us in healthy relationships and avoid accidents and pitfalls. But as I confessed, it is not always we obey the command of the Red light button and several people ignore the red light and drive through in a bid to become married only to be plunged into needless sorrow.
I remember a very close friend of mine recounting to me an experience of a friend of hers. Let’s call her friend “Simi” .My friend introduced Simi to another friend and brother who we will call Bro Spiricoco as he is a Pastor and very much into active ministry. They had been chatting for a while and Simi was beginning to consider and pray. She added fasting to it (dishusbandmata needs fasting o)and during one of those periods of fasting, the brother informed her that he would visit on his way back from a ministration in a neighbouring town close to her.
She prepared for his visit, you know what we normally do and somehow, he arrived at night. She happened to be living in a 2 bedroom flat and welcomed him. After the usual courtesies, food and gist, it was time to retire. However, brother Spiricoco had another agenda as he tried to talk Simi to know her more intimately(according to the King James version). Well you know this is not acceptable and if anyone should know that, it should be the Pastor. She refused and he continued to persist, even adding scriptures of grace and how God would forgive them later. She tried to reason with him especially pointing out that if they slept together, then a very vital part of the relationship which is trust would be broken. If for just one night away from home for ministration, he could not keep himself, what would happen to their marriage if he leaves for ministration for even a weekend? She was not sure her heart would be able to deal with the anxiety and thoughts of what probably would be happening whether or not anything was.
He brought another angle of reasoning that everyone does this and she cannot even be sure that my friend who introduced them (who is married) followed the Biblical standards. Well she told him to the best of her knowledge, her friend did marry as a virgin on her wedding day and even if she did not, she was not her standard. She had the Word as her standard.
He persisted relentlessly. The haggle continued and she eventually thought about dropping a joker to end it all. So she told him that there was a big problem. Even if she was going to go ahead, it would not be possible on this occasion as she did not have any means of protection. Well, our brother Spiricoco was not intimidated and smiled at her apparent lack of preparedness. He had all the bases covered. He already came with condoms! My goodness, she was dazed and told him categorically “NO” not happening. She showed him his room to sleep and went into hers and locked the door behind her. When it was daybreak, she described the way out to the bus station and he left. He never returned and never called back. That was about seven years ago. She is married now, to another person.
Imagine, if she had compromised. She would have found herself in a cycle of pre-marital sex and honestly. sex has a way of clouding one’s reasoning. Don’t let anybody’s title fool you. If anyone is asking you to compromise, know it is a red light and a time to say “No” without the need for explanation.
I also think it would be helpful not to put ourselves in situations that would leave us in danger. Imagine if this guy actually forced his way. it would have been much wiser for Simi not to have even invited him over to her place and yes, please don’t go over to a place where you cannot guarantee your safety. A perpetrator could see it as an invitation sign.
Finally, remember “No” is a complete sentence. While it does not need to be explained, our “No” should tally with our actions so that people are not given the impression they can ignore or violate the red light.