She could never forget the first day it happened. As the drop of liquid landed on her body, her confusion about its source as well as its willingness to find its way on her arm puzzled her .Had the tension in the house gotten so bad that it blew the roof , temporarily ?Was it possible that it was raining in her house? How could it be one isolated drop?.
She looked at her husband in utter disbelief and the gleam in his eyes was unmistakable. At the corner of his mouth was a sickening smile that had begun to form, he was glaring at her with a fake look oof surprise that was filled with an air of victory.
She could tell he was very proud of what had just happened. She could not afford to show that she was hurt at his behaviour as that would encourage him to repeat the action.
The argument had to end. The bathroom was her next stop. She took the tissue paper and wiped off her husband’s sputum from her body. How a mouth as small as his had gathered such volume of saliva like there was a pumping machine dazzled her. The hatred with which he treated her must have been the propelling force with which he gathered and dispersed the despicable liquid so that it landed on her left bare arm .
Her husband spat on her. If only she could say that was the last time it happened but alas, he found other reasons to do so again the second and third time.
But how can someone spit on another human being, especially one you claimed to love? What level of anger or provocation would make someone treat another as less than a human being, not deserving of any form of respect?
Yes she liked that word because time and time again, everytime she sat down to analyses the situation in her home, she knew she was in a marriage, unloved. It was a painful truth . It was not just her truth but the truth .His love was a lie .
She did not understand why her husband no ex-husband hated her with so much passion.
Even after she left, her ex-husband found one and many other reasons to cause trouble.
There was never a time he allowed a peaceful atmosphere and she shuddered to think about how her life would have turned out if she had remained, hoping
Hoping for a change from someone who only allowed peace reign when he had his way. Everything was a show of power and when she decided to leave, she left without telling him. How dare she leave when he had not kicked her out like he promised, time and time again .
He was like a wounded lion, robbed of his cubs. She recalled the several times she had been told she did not belong “here” and” when the time is right, she would go…, “. She was an animal, a good for nothing who could not even pass a driving test at once!
Good for nothing but good to be used, for her money to be used, her body to be used, as long as he had control, total control over those things, there was peace. Even if this control meant beating her physically or hurting her with words that broke her spirit.
By the time I met this lady, she was indeed broken, years of abuse had turned her to a shadow of herself and she needed encouragement to let her know that she had made a right choice to maintain her sanity rather than to remain in a love that was a lie.
Yes any love that only manifest in abuse is a lie and the earlier we dissociate ourselves from it mentally, the quicker we will recognize it and take the necessary steps.
Your story may be different and rightly so, we all have our unique stories but there is a common consensus of what is acceptable or not, and if you feel something is not right in your relationship, it is most likely not right and you should never be ashamed to seek help, early.
This month November is a crucial one as we celebrate the International Day of Elimination of Violence against Women and girls and it is a much needed fight today. One that concerns us all.
Incidentally we can all fight this fight from our own angle and here at Dishusbandmata, we do so using stories, believing that as people read them, they will be able to make healthy choices and say No to abuse.
And just before I leave, remember that this choice to say No should not be made for an adult, the adult has to come to that decision themselves and the group of people we can and should make the decision for are our children.
Gracilis also works with CADA ever Thursday talking about Domestic abuse related matters on Instagram Live www.instagram.lbe/churchagainstdomestivabuse Join her