“Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.” Jane Wells
I came across this quote this past week and it kind of struck a cord with me. I mean on the surface it makes complete sense; you compromise a little and everyone is happy. But when we really think about it, what does compromise actually entail? I think we need to take a step and understand a few things before we can even think about compromising. Those things are preferences (a greater liking for an alternative over another) and prerequisites (core values that are the foundation).When we can differentiate between these two, I think it becomes easier to compromise.
Now, I believe that compromise is important in every relationship and there a few things we can practice to help with that in our everyday life. Firstly, we need to realise that it’s not always about winning. Some times we get carried away with the mindset that we have to win an argument, but that just stops us from really hearing what the other person is saying. Most times we only have to actually listen in order to find a middle ground.
Another key thing is to speak your “must haves” (prerequisites) and “can leave withouts” (preferences). This is one of those obvious ones; you can’t get mad if someone expects you to compromise on you must have if y they don’t know what it means to you. This ties in to the next key, which is to be willing to rethink your preferences. I actually tried this in a past relationship
So the people who know me well know I’m not especially big on pda; I won’t even hold hands. But this ex of mine was into it. I mean, it got really bad for him that one day he said “Bee, do you even like me?”. Of course the question puzzled me and I said “yes I do! Why would you ask me something like that?” and he went on to point out all the times he’d tried to show public display of affection with me and I shut it down. I honestly felt bad and its not like I’d die if I showed and allowed some pda, so I thought why not rethink this preference Bee? I gave it a try and we broke up a week later! Now, I’m not saying that was the reason but I’ll just leave that there
Another key is to be appreciative. Whether the compromise leans more in your favour or the other person, it is important to show that you appreciate that this person is wiling to work on finding a middle ground.
Most importantly, always have an open mind to the compromise. Have an open mind about how the compromise made you feel. Did you like it in the end? Will you be changing your expectations in future interactions?
I think once we get hang of these few keys, it becomes easier to compromise. Easier to bend on the little things so we don’t have to break on the big things.
Well, these are my thoughts on compromising. Let us know in the comments what you won’t compromise on in your relationship.
Beautiful on Fridays Also,,
Dishusbandmata……passionate about healthy relationships
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