“I am married!”

I remember the first time I heard these words thrown at me.

It was almost 25 years ago, my bestie and I were walking and trying to take the flyover along the Isolo expressway road in Lagos and bumped into an old high school class mate.

She was quite a character and had not changed much. After exchanging pleasantries, I noticed she had a baby strapped at her back . I was still trying to figure out whose baby it was when she asked us if we were married. Marriage was the last thing on our minds as we were still trying to get into higher institutions then. When we replied in the negative, she flung her hands in  the air to reveal her wedding rings and with a voice of triumph and finality said “I am married”. It felt more like a badge of honour and something we had better not waste time getting.

My friend and I both walked out of there knowing that that was not our immediate priority.

Little did we know that there would come a time in our lives where those same words would haunt us. We found how a negative response to that question brought judgement .And painfully some of those  judgements was non-verbal. Without words people will give you the look that said everything and somehow act like your being near their female children could infect them with the disease of delayed marriage.

I wish I could say it was a smooth journey but then I would be lying to you my dearest readers but indeed it has been a journey. I just remembered this evening some of the people I met along the way. There was this guy I met on  one Christian site (I won’t mention the name because when me and a girlfriend shared notes, we noticed that most guys there were “interesting” So let’s call this guy Ade. Ade found me on this site and we hadn’t even have up to two conversations when he suggested we should both get off the site. According to him, the Lord has answered our prayers and the search was over 😅.Just like that and then one day while talking, he said  “me I dress very well, that’s one thing I spend my time and money on ‘.That singular statement ended any little   interest. I didn’t need a fashionista for a husband. From my little gathered experience, most men with fashion as their top priorities never seemed to understand the need for  sacrifice as a husband and a father. I had to put  a deliberate stop of the conversation, I no fit shout!

But not being married meant I had to consciously not allow myself be defined by my marital status. Along the way you would meet several types of people who would want to use it as a mark of progress or status and feel the need to remind you of how something is not complete about your life and if you are in a religious community, God help you. With or without your consent, there might be deliverance prayers of both existing and non-existing curses as well as some interviews to trace if it is a generational curse you are facing. It is so funny how some people would judge you must have lived a very rough life until they find out you have been a Christian since your first decade!

I still remember the advice my pastor’s wife gave me then. She advised me not to hold back on anything I wanted and to live my best fullest life. I took her words to heart and did several things for myself. It took another 18 years after our talk before marriage happened. Imagine if I was just sitting, waiting to get married.

It has been a huge pleasure to be married. It has also come with responsibility but the love and adventure of sharing your life with someone else has made it worth the wait. I also discovered that it  is what you bring into marriage that you will get out of it.

What I mean is live your best life daily (striving to become the best version of you )because marriage is not going to suddenly transform to who you are not .It will only bring out who you really are and then again, you must be ready to adjust, evolve and grow so that you can enjoy the journey.

Well let me stop here as I think I am exceeding my limit but I promise to unpack more in the following posts.

And many thanks to all my fans who took their time to wish me goodness and send congratulatory messages