Gratitude-a relationship enhancer
Birthdays are usually marked in my house and while we were growing up, my birthday was the first of the birthdays of the children (things have changed now with the addition of in-laws , nieces and nephews). It was not that we had a party for every celebrant, but it was usually acknowledged and then since most of my siblings were born in June, my dad would sometimes want the celebrations to be done on the last day of June which annoyingly was one of my sibling’s birthday.
There was this birthday I remember clearly not because I had a mini party but because I behaved in an unseemly manner, very different from the values we were brought up with at home.
My elder brother and I were both in the university at this time and we saw from time to time. On my 21st birthday, he came to visit me and gave me a card and a framed picture with some lovely words. The size of the picture is almost that of an A5 envelope but those days , it was the popular gift to give, although you could get an A4 size framed photo with words .
I am not quite sure what I said again to my brother but the way I received the gift was not good .I am not also sure what I was expecting from him, I was already disappointed that so many of my classmates turned up with only a card and had refreshments and this gift from my brother was below my expectations. If I remember correctly, he mentioned something. During my sober moments, I realized I must have hurt him and that incident has remained on my mind now for almost three decades.
What was more perplexing to me was in my very household, my parents were very big on appreciation. I still remember once after the holidays and I was leaving the next day for the boarding school .I went to visit a friend down the streets whose parents were not in the same social class as mine. When I was leaving, her mother gave me a one naira note. When I got home, I reported it to my mum who got my two elder sisters to go to my friend’s house and personally thank her mother for the gift. That show of appreciation never left me. After all, my friends’ mum did not owe me anything but out of the kindness of her heart, she shared from the little they had.
It is the Thanksgiving season and I would not like it to be about turkey eating alone . The spirit of thanksgiving is one I believe we should follow and allow to permeate every area of our relationships. And l the reason I am on about this is because I have seen over the years that sometimes in relationships, we start to take our partners for granted. We expect them to do A-Z and somehow they stop at V .Rather than appreciating them for what they have done, we begin to complain about what has not been done. The truth about the matter is that as humans, we are drawn towards people that appreciate us and our efforts, no matter how small. When people appreciate us, it boosts our morale. It makes us known that we are seen.
Why do we not really appreciate what people do for us, especially our family members? I think one of the reasons is a sense of entitlement. I have learnt that people do not really owe us anything and so when they extend a kind gesture to us, we should acknowledge it .Maybe you might say to yourself when your spouse does some certain things that it is their duty but do you know there are several spouses who are not doing what your spouse is doing ? And they do have a good job, can afford it but decide that everyone in the house is OYO (on your own )
So if you have a spouse that does A-V instead of A-Z, appreciate them . The house may not be as tidy as you want but she cooks delicious meals . He may not help the children with the homework as much as you like but have you noticed that your lawn is always clean and is the envy of the neighbours.
This thanksgiving season, let us find something to be grateful for in our partners and it is not just a matter of thinking it in your heart, say it. These words should be heard now and not put on an epitaph later .
Ps-You might think your spouse is a monster but do you know some spouses physically spit on their partners. God forbid. It is not your portion but something to be grateful for is not happening to you .
